Warblers Watching Glee?
by Army Of Elves
Summary: "...we found this box set of DVDs. All the cover said was Glee seasons one, two, three, and four. No pictures, credits, none of the extra information." "So you just popped it in?" Nick asked. "What if it had been someone getting murdered..." See what happens when the David and Thad find a certain Glee club's lives in the form of DVD's? *Set during Season 1.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Glee. The rights and all of that belong to the creators and Fox.**

**Author Note: I thought it would be fun to do a 'Warblers watch Glee' story, since there aren't many out there. This is all set during Season 1 when Blaine would have been a freshmen and before any of them meet Kurt, so he won't be featured in here... or will he...**

* * *

"Did I miss the memo for an impromptu performance?" Blaine asked no one in particular, not that anyone would have answered.

A good portion of the Warblers were currently rushing past his open dormitory. Blaine simply stared after their retreating backs, his curly hair dripping water onto the carpet.

It was almost curfew. Blaine had left his studying in the library to take a quick shower and then to bed. When he got out of the water he heard loud excited chatter and footsteps in the hallway. He quickly slipped on a pair of Dalton sweats and a t-shirt before opening his door to see what was going on.

He was about to close his door, if it was anything big he'd hear about it tomorrow anyway, when his own roommate Nick walked past.

"Hey, Nick!" Blaine said. "Where is everyone going?"

"I think you mean where are we going." Nick corrected.

"Wha-"

Before Blaine could complete a sentence Nick grabbed him by the arm and started pulling him down the corridor.

"But my- it's-"

"I'm sure David has a towel in his dorm you could use. Come on, apparently you don't want to miss this."

"What exactly is 'this'?"

Nick shrugged. "No idea."

"And you're okay with getting kidnapped? In fact your willingly walking yourself there. Hey! They even have you-"

"Oh shut up. The last sleepover wasn't that bad."

Blaine stared at him incredulously. "They took us from our beds and wouldn't let us leave."

"Well, this isn't even a sleepover, I promise we'll have your pretty little head on your pillow before curfew."

"Is that what they told you?"

"Yes. And I have a test tomorrow, so if they try to keep us I'll throw my own fit."

"You'll actually help this time?" Blaine asked, glaring at the other boy.

At the previous 'sleepover' once the guys brought out Probability was when Blaine and Nick decided to break for it.

When it comes to that game the well mannered, dapper private school boys turn heartless animals.

* * *

_"Can't I change my number? Please?" Trent whined._

_"Rules is rules, man." David shrugged._

_"Now start chugging good sir!" Thad cheered._

_Over in David and Thad's dorm, half of the Warblers were standing in a half circle playing Probability. Earlier someone had payed off the floor prefect so that they could host the first Warbler party of the year. The music was blaring, for the most part drowning out the cheering._

_Trent Dixon, a fellow freshman, was unfortunate enough to have said the same number as his torment- David- and was now probably about to be poisoned._

_ Blaine had to look away from the sight of the poor boy being forced to drink the foul smelling concoction Cameron brewed. To his left, his roommate Nick Duval was dry heaving with a hand pressed against his mouth._

_"You too, huh?" Blaine asked sympathetically._

_Nick nodded. "When we were kidnapped-"_

_"I'm sorry, what?"_

_"When we were kidnapped, I thought we would be drinking tea and discussing song selections!"_

_"Right." Blaine glanced over to where a green Trent was now licking someone's feet- as the second part of the dare- and immediately turned away._

_"And where are the seniors?"_

_From behind them a hand grabbed his and Nick's shoulders. "You two don't look well." Their fellow freshman Warbler, Jeff Sterling, commented._

_Nick shared a reluctant look with Blaine._

_Though Jeff was nice enough and the first of their year to be welcomed into the group, he could be overly chipper at times and had taken to trying to befriend Nick and Blaine. Particularly the former._

_"To answer your question," he directed toward Nick. "They're what some call fun suckers. Awesome performers and all, but they frown on the parties and stuff. They used to do hazing and such until they decided it was 'too childish for such a prestigious private school'." He finished mock-pompously._

_"Who told you that."_

_Jeff shrugged. "David was talking about it at lunch the other day. But of course, you two don't sit with us." he winked._

_"Eeeeeewwww!" The room behind them exploded._

_Jeff spun around and began cheering whatever disgusting thing they were forcing Trent to do._

_"Pssst! Nick!"_

_Nick looked to where Blaine was subtly inching toward the door. He gestured toward it with his head, his eyes never leaving the group of boys. Nick caught the idea and followed Blaine's lead._

_Nick was about halfway there when he started sliding the door open._

_...One centimeter..._

_...two centimeters..._

_...three centimeters..._

_"Hey Nick!" Jeff called._

_Nick jumped and quickly turned toward the blonde boy with an innocent expression._

_Blaine watched as his room mate was reluctantly drawn into a conversation and pulled away. He stood there for a moment looking between the door and Nick._

_"Oh hell!" he muttered under his breath._

_"Hey guys!" he said cheerfully. "I'm sorry Jeff, but I need to speak with my room mate about... that thing, you know, the one thing Nick."_

_"OH yeah." Nick nodded frantically. "Let's go do that."_

_"Oh my God! What's that!" Nick cried pointing somewhere in front of him._

_"Um, what?"_

_Nick didn't wait to see if Jeff fell for it and pulled Blaine away. Blaine nearly slammed into the door and reached for the knob._

_"Where are you guys going?" Jeff asked loudly._

_Unfortunatlely it had been during a break in the music and his voice had caught many of the Warblers attention._

_"I... um..." Blaine sputtered._

_"Anderson is trying to sneak out!" Luke called good naturedly._

_Many of the Warblers laughed and began walking toward the commotion. Jeff raised an eyebrow, looking between them, an almost hurt expression on his face._

_"You know what that means!"_

_Blaine looked toward the traitorously silent Nick, before his world literally turned upside down as he was lifted onto one of the bigger guys' shoulders and taken off as the next victim._

* * *

"You can't hold that over me forever, they let me live! I couldn't say no!"

"I always thought it was because Jeff let you sit in his lap." Blaine cocked an eyebrow.

After the failed escape, Nick was dared into a closet with Jeff for twenty minutes. They came out best friends, and to this day nobody knows what went down in that closet. When questioned, Nick maintains that he is completely straight. Jeff, on the other hand, starts humming vaguely.

"I wasn't in his lap."

He was so in his lap.

They arrived at David Thompson's dorm that he shared with Thad. The door was slightly ajar, just enough to see many of the Sophomore and Junior Warblers crowded on the floor.

Nick stuck a hand out and pushed it further open.

"And what I have with Jeff is special."

"Damn straight!" Said blonde shouted from his spot in front of the

"Took you two long enough." Grumbled Flint.

"I guess we'll just watch the first episode tonight then." David sighed. "We can watch more this weekend or something."

"The first episode of what exactly?" Trent asked.

"Glee!" Thad uncharacteristically squealed.

"What?" Half of the room asked.

"Last weekend Thad and I were looking for something to watch when we found this box set of DVDs. All the cover said was Glee seasons one, two, three, and four. No pictures, credits, none of the extra information."

"So you just popped it in?" Nick asked. "What if it had been someone getting murdered or like a porno or something?"

"Seriously, there are movies about this kind of thing."

"It was like aurol porn!"

Most of the room jerked their heads to stare at David, mouths agape like he'd mortally offended them.

"Excuse me?" Blaine choked.

"Aurol: A-U-R-O-L."

Everyone visibly relaxed. A collective "oh" went around the room.

Blaine shook his head at their weirdness.

"Anyway, we only watched the first and part if the second episode. But it turns out it's about a glee club," David paused dramatically. "In Ohio."

"Oooooooo." The Warblers nodded appreciatively.

"I mean the group's kind of pathetic, but I bet it gets better. And, I mean, A misfit glee club in Ohio. It's like the story of our lives!" Thad said enthusiastically.

"Finally! It's nice for Ohio to be recognized!" Commented Wes.

Jeff rolled his eyes. "Jeez we're not, like, Oklahoma. We aren't completely off the map."

"We do have Cleveland." Someone added.

"Oooooooooh."

"Hey! What about 3rd Rock From the Sun? That was set in Ohio!"

"Yeeeeeaaaa."

Blaine turned to Wes, who was being oddly quiet. The junior was generally very outspoken and somewhat controlling, ever preparing for when that Gavel was his. Wes was watching the Warblers in interest. Blaine noticed the cogs whirring in his head and smiled, following his thoughts.

The Warblers outside of the choir room were all so incredibly in tune with each other. Even when ooing and awing over trivial stuff they were harmonized.

Blaine was actually very excited to see what Wes would do with the group once he got the Head council spot.

Both he and Wes were brought back out of his thoughts by a small wrestling match that broke out between Cameron and Jeff over spots. It was quickly resolved when they almost hit Wes.

"Movie! Movie! Movie!" The Warblers chanted.

"It's not even a movie." Thad grumbled, popping the DVD case open.

Within a few minutes everyone was fairly comfortable, the lights were off, and everything was ready to go.

"Drum roll please." Thad smiled at the Warbler's resident beat boxer.

Richard did an awesome drum roll beat box measure.

"And begin." David whispered into the darkness.

...

* * *

**AN:**** It would be totally awesome to get a review (flame, constructive criticism, whatever), even _someone_ reading this would make me incredibly happy! Also, I hope to post the Pilot episode- them actually watching- hopefully today. If not definitely within the next few days.**


	2. Chapter 2

**DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee**

**AN: Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed, favorited, or even just read this!**

**Warblers present-**

_**Thad Harwood**_

_**David Thompson**_

_**Wes Montgomery**_

_**Blaine Anderson**_

_**Jeff Sterling**_

_**Nick Duval**_

_**Nicholas Hudson (Nicknamed Nicholi NIC-OH-LIE so as not to be confused with Nick)**_

_**Flint Wilson**_

_**Richard James**_

_**Cameron James**_

**_Etha_n_ Moore_**

Commentary

_Thoughts/ flashbacks_

**Show**

**_Character Narration_**

I think that covers everything...

* * *

_"Drum roll please." Thad smiled at the Warbler's resident beat boxer._

_Richard did an awesome drum roll beat box measure._

_"And begin." David whispered into the darkness._

**FOOTBALL FIELD-**

**A cheerleading squad practice routines.**

A lot of the guys visibly perked up at the sight of cheerleaders.

Oh yeah. There would be drool stains by the end of the night.

**They are watched and timed by Sue Sylvester, their coach. Sue checked her stop watch and looed back at the cheerleaders. One girl then fell off of the from the top of the formation**.

**"You think this is hard?" Sue shouts into her megaphone. "Try being waterboarded. That's hard."**

**PARKING LOT-**

**Will Shuester drives into the parking lot, with a peice of the car sparking against the asphalt. He got out of the car carrying a cardboard box and kicked the cardoor closed. He then approached a dumpster where a group of jocks are standing around a wide eyed boy.**

"Ah, public school." Nick said disdainfully.

"The poor kid never stood a chance." Wes sighed.

**Shuester waved at the group. "Making some new friends, Kurt?" he asked ignorantly.**

**"He sure is, Mr. Schue." Puck replied sarcastically.**

**"Hey, Finn, you still owe me that report on que hace el verano pasado."**

**"What?" Finn asked blankly.**

**"What you did last summer."**

**"Almost halfway done with almost all of it, Mr. Schue."**

**Mr. Shuester walked away and the jocks turned back to Kurt.**

**"It's hammer time!" Puck says.**

**Puck grabs Kurt under the arms while another jock grabbed his legs.**

**"Please, this is from Marc Jacobs' new collection!" Kurt pleads.**

"Priorities man." Jeff shook his head.

"**Wait." Finn says before they can toss the kid.**

**The jocks let go of Kurt. Kurt took his jacket off and threw it at Puck.**

"Well that was nice of him." Wes said.

"Are you being serious or sarcastic?"

"It was. At least his jacket won't be ruined."

**Finn shrugs. "Okay."**

**Puck and the other jock tossed Kurt in the dumpster. Afterwards Finn looked slightly troubled.**

**The screen cut to Will standing in front of a trophy display, admiring a first-place trophy that WMHS won at the 1993 Show Choir Championships. Next, he looks at a plaque awarded to LILIAN ADLER (1937-1997) with the quote "By its very definition, Glee is about opening yourself up to joy."**

**CHIOR ROOM-**

**A bald man wearing pink and sat at a piano next to a student**

**"Wher-er-er-er-er is love" The teen sings holding a hand to his stomache.**

**"Please tell me that isn't the Glee Club." Wes frowned.**

**Thad shook his head.**

**"Thank God for that. That kid is awful." Said Trent.**

**Does it fall from skies above**

**The teacher at the piano took his sweater off and began singing along.**

**Is it beneath the willow tree**

**That I've been dreaming of**

**The teacher creepily rest the back of his hand on the student, then started stroaking his stomache.**

"Umm pedo-alert." Cameron said making a face.

**Over by the door a girl in a ridculous outfit stood by the door glaring at the two.**

**TEACHER'S LOUNGE-**

**Mr. Shuester stood next to another man around the coffee machine.**

**"Where's the coffee pot?" Shuester asked the man.**

**"Figgins got rid of it. Budget cuts. You know, I know for a fact that they are still getting hot java at Carver." Ken said indignantly. "We should strike."**

**"Hello, boys." Sue said entering the room carrying coffees. "Who needs a pick-me-up?"**

**"Wow, lattes!"**

"Oooh, Lattes!" Blaine commented, licking his lips. "I think I like this woman."

"Mmmm, coffee." Moaned Thad. "We should get some, we should definitely get some."

All of the boys minds were now set on getting coffee- except Jeff, his mind was elsewhere.

"My aunt is a lesbian and she has short hair. That lady has short hair is she a lesbian?" Jeff yawned.

The guys gave him questioning looks.

"We were studying converse and inverse in Geometry. Leave me alone." With that, he curled up and threw a blanket over his head.

**"****Yeah, I am a bit of a coffee snob. Now, the key to a perfect latte, is in the temperature of the steamed milk."**

"True." Trent nodded.

**"I like mine scalding."**

"Does that sound ominous to anyone else?"

**"Hi, Emma." Ken greeted a slender, ginger women that entered the room**

"Oh don't tell me." Richard snorted.

"Like she would ever tap that." Added Cameron.

"Hey, maybe he has a wonderful personality." Trent snapped.

"Yeah, sure."

**"Hey, Ken." Emma replied flippantly, then turned her full attention to Mr, Shuester. "Will, hi."**

**"Hey."**

"Okay, so there's definately something going on there." Ethan chuckled.

**"What's with all the lattes?" Asked Emma.**

**"Oh, Emma, I just felt so awful that Figgins cut the coffee budget to pay for a nutritionist for the Cheerios." Said Sue not looking remorseful in the slightest.**

**"Yeah, I heard you guys went, like, $600 over budget on that."**

**"My performers didn't get on Fox Sports Net last year because they ate at Bacon Junction."**

**"Since when are cheerleaders performers?"**

"I resent that." David declared.

"She has a point," said Trent. "What are they athletes or performers? You can't be both."

David huffed and Blaine leaned over.

"Hey, you're the one with a beautiful cheerleader girlfriend."

"I resent that."

"No you don't. You love it when you get to tell guys drooling over her, she's taken." After a moment, Blaine added, "And I play for the other team."

"Oh. Right."

**"Your resentment is delicious.-" Sue deadpanned.**

"Yeah David! Your resentment is delicious." Trent lavisiously winked at him.

**"-Well, I have a phoner in a couple of minutes. It's an interview on the telephone with a major media outlet. I'll probably do it on my iPhone. Enjoy."**

"I don't get it." Said Cameron. "We all have IPhones, except Richard who broke his."

Richard flipped him off, only making his smile widen.

"It could just be us private school kids." Flint pointed out. "Most of us are spoiled."

_Not all out of love and adoration either._ Blaine thought.

"Or maybe this is set when hardly anyone had one." Ethan rolled his eyes.

"Or _maybe_ this is an alternative future where IPhones are a sign of status!" Nicholi randomly exclaimed, earning him strange looks.

"Um, Nicky, they kind of are."

"Oh, right."

"You've been rooming with Jeff too long."

"Nah, or other Nick would be bat-shit crazy. He's around more than I am." Nicholi said. "I think the roommate thing just amplifies what's already there and brings out our, hmm, _better_ qualities."

"Would that explain why Nick's not such a dick anymore?" Laughed Cameron.

"_I am not!" _Nick flung a pillow at his head.

Cameron dodged it. "Yeah, thanks to Anderson."

"Admit it Nick, you used to be really grumpy, like, all of the time."

"At least he's not a Dick anymore, unlike you Cammy." Richard teased.

"Ha ha. That's rich coming from you Dickard."

**"Thanks a lot, Sue." Mr. Shue said to Sue's retreating form.**

**"I missed you at the, uh, singles mixer last weekend, Emma." Said Ken, sitting across from Emma.**

**"Yeah, I know. Big pipe exploded in my building. It was wild. I hate those mixer things though, I mean, it's like a big meat market. It's just, ugh." Emma thought a moment. "I did give my number to a fireman though. But he hasn't called."**

"That's too bad," came Jeff's muffled voice. "Firemen are hot."

"Uh Jeff?"

Jeff yanked the blanket off his head. "What, I can't appreciate another man?"

"Uh-"

"Sure I can. See- Blaine's Damn sexy."

Blaine stifled a laugh. "Thanks Jeff. Go back to sleep." He slipped the blanket back over the blonde's head.

**"You know what, there's someone out there for everyone. I wouldn't even sweat it." Mr. Shue said assuringly.**

**"Hey, did you hear that Sandy Ryerson got fired?"**

**"Really?" Asked Will. "Well, who's going to take over Glee Club?"**

"Does someone _have _to?" Wes questioned.

"I guess _someon_e has to make sure the Glee club actually _goes_ and doesn't smoke or steal anything.

Nick rolled his eyes. "What exactly do you think they do at public school?"

**"Don't know." Emma replied.**

**PRINCIPLE FIGGINS' OFFICEE-**

**Principle Figgins and Mr. Shue sitting across from one another.**

**"I'd like to take over Glee club." Announced Will.**

**"You want to captain the Titanic, too?"**

**"I think I can make it great again. There is no joy in these kids. They feel invisible. That's why every one of them has a MySpace page."**

"Burn!"

**Figgins typed on his calculator. "Sixty bucks a month. That's what I need to keep this program up."**

"He expects him to pay that?" Richard asked in surprise. "Damn. People are practically throwing money at our glee club."

"This is a private school. Besides the show would suck if it was like 'everyone here is gorgeous with amazing voices and killer bods and all the jocks carry them to glee club and kiss their feet. Happily ever after.'"

"True dat."

**"And you-you expect me to pay it?"**

**"I'm certainly not going to pay for it. We're not talking about Cheerios here, Will. They were on Fox Sports Net last year. When Glee Club starts bringing that kind of prestige to the school again, you can have all the money you want. Until then, 60 bucks a month. And you've got to use the costumes and props you already have. But we need the stools for wood shop."**

**SHUESTER'S HOME-**

**Will lays awake in bed thinking.**

**_WILL: Hiding the $60 a month from my wife, Terri, was going to be hard. But I had a bigger problem. How was I going to get these kids motivated? One thing I knew for sure, we needed a new name._  
**

**Will suddenly sat up excitedly."New Directions!"**

Nick's lips twitched. "Did he just say what I think he said?"

"You heard Nude Erections didn't you?"

"Yep."

David shook his head.

**McKINLEY-**

**In a hallway in Mckinley a black girl walked up to the Glee Club audition signup sheet and writes, Mercedes Jones.**

**The scene switched to an auditorium, wher Merecedes stood on a stage.**

**She said, "My name is Mercedes Jones and I'm singing…"**

**R-E-S-P-E-C-T**

**Find out what it means to me**

**R-E-S-P-E-C-T**

**Take care of T-C-P**

**OOOH hey baby!**

"The girl can do Aretha." Nicholi said approvingly.

Flint scrunched up his face. "Yeah, but now my ears kind of hurt."

**A boy walked toward the signup sheet, looking around warily.**

"Hey it's Kurt!" Jeff yelled, startling everyone.

Ethan shook his head. "No. I'm pretty sure his name was Burt."

The guys who were actually trying to pay attention rolled their eyes.

"Does he look like a Burt to you?" Jeff countered.

"I thought you were sleeping."

Jeff sat up. "I kept getting woken up by people's comments."

"Half of them come from you." David said, effectively shutting him up.

**"Hello, I'm Kurt Hummel," The boy says from the stage.**

"Hah!"

**"And I'll be singing Mr. Cellophane". Kurt began singing, a hand jauntily placed on his hip.**

**Cellophane**

**Mister Cellophane**

**Shoulda been my name**

**Mister Cellophane**

**'Cause you can look right through me**

**Walk right by me**

**And never know I'm there**

**Never**

**Even**

**Knoooooooooooooow**

**I'm there.**

When Kurt held that note and swept his bangs back the guys snorted.

"He's... interesting."

"Man, did you hear that voice though? Kid's got some falsetto." Ethan whistled.

"Nah, he's a countertenor!" Exclaimed Thad.

"Imagine if we had him in our club! A countertenor would be the closest thing Dalton would ever get to female lead. The things we could do with a voice like that!" Wes sighed dreamily.

"Oh no, he's drooling."

"As opposed to you Cameron, about ten minutes ago when girls were jumping up and down."

**Back in the hallway, an asian girl acoompanied by a boy in a wheelchair are seen at the signup sheet. The girl signs, Tina C. below the name Artie Abrams.**  
**"Tina C." The girl stuttered. "I Kissed A Girl."**

**It's not what I'm used**

**Just wanna try you on**

**I'm curious for you**

**Caught my attention**

**Tina finished, slapping her thighs suggestively.**

The boys stared at the screen wide-eyed.

"Umm, with a little practice I bet her voice could be, erm, lovely..." Blaine said uncertainly.

**Rachel Berry approached the sign-up sheet and wrote down her name.**

**In the auditorium she addressed Mr. Shuester from the stage "Hi, my name is Rachel Berry, and I'll be singing "On My Own" from the seminal Broadway classic Les Mis."**

"Her voice, it's like a sparkly hot pink cheese grater on my brains!" Jeff cried dramatically.

**"Fantastic, let's hear it."**

"Oh please no."

"Shut up!"

**On my own**

**Pretending he's beside me**

"Wow, she's actually- good."

"Yeah well her speaking voice and horrible wardrobe makes up for that." Trent scrunched his nose disdainfully.

"She should just sing all of the time... and _not _speak." Cameron said.

**Back in the empty hallway, Rachel applies a gold star sticker to the end of her name on the sign-up sheet.**

_**RACHEL: You might laugh because every time I sign my name, I put a gold star after it. But it's a metaphor and metaphors are important. My gold stars are a metaphor for me being a star.**_

Puck passes by and tosses a red slushy at her

The guys gasped.

"Was that a slushy?"

"Uh huh. How could he do that to a girl?"

"He did toss that one boy into a dumpster. I doubt he cares." Blaine sighed.

**Wearing a different outfit Rachel walked down the hall in a rush.**

**_RACHEL: And just so we're clear, I want to clear up that hateful rumor that I was the one who turned_ _that closet case Sandy Ryerson in because he gave Hank Saunders the solo I deserved. That's cockpoopie."_**

"It's one thing to turn in a pedophile who's preying on highschool kids, but just because she didn't get a _solo_?" Said Nick incredulously.

"Some people are desperate." Wes shrugged.

"But wait." Said Nicholi. "How did she _not _get the solo? She's terribly annoying, but her voice is good. Better than that other guy anyway,"'

"The Ryerson guy probably wanted a reason to get touchy-feely with that other kid." Answered Cameron.

**FIGGINS' OFFICE-**

**"He was touching Hank, caressing him." Rachel cried to Figgins. "It was so wrong!"**

**Figgins handed Rachel a tissue looking unimpressed.**

"Okay, that wasn't out of line or anything."

"I bet she's one of those weird religious girls that are always trying to convert everyone, and gets super upset because everything is a sin." Cameron speculated,

"She does look like the stereotype, doesn't she." Said David. "But I think you better keep watching."

**In a different hall, Rachel stared lovingly at a photograph in her locker.**

**_RACHEL: I am not homophobic. In fact, I have two gay dads_.**

"That was unexpected." Commented Wes.

Blaine blinked. "Now I feel bad for her."

"Why?" Asked Cameron.

"I was probably really hard for her growing up." Said Blaine. "I bet she got made fun of a lot."

The Warblers faces fell.

"Before I never really thought about that." Thad said sadly.

_**See, I was born out of love. My two dads screened potential surrogates based on beauty and IQ.**_

Hey, Blaine!" Jeff exclaimed. "That guy sort of looks like you!"

"Are you refering to the black guy or the one on the left? Because either way- just no." David shook his head.

"The one on the left. They have similair eyebrows."

The guys looked between Blaine and Rachel's dad.

"Oh! If you squint your eyes _really _hard you can see it." Nicholi said.

_**Then they mixed their sperm together and used a turkey baster. To this day, we don't know which one is my real dad, which I think is pretty amazing.**_

"Hey Blaine!"

"No, Jeff." Blaine answered tiredly. "I am not putting my sperm in a turkey baster."

"What? It's a good idea."

"It's kind of gross."

**A flashback showed a young Rachel dancing wildly.**

_**RACHEL: My dads spoiled me in the arts. I was given dance lessons, vocal lessons, anything to give me a competitive edge.**_

**At night Rachel sat at her laptop.**

**_RACHEL: You might think that all the boys in school would totally want to tap this, but my MySpace schedule keeps me way too busy to date._**

**_"I wouldn't tap that if she was a smartphone."_**

**In her room Rachel set up a video recorder on a tripod and starts to sing.**

**_RACHEL: I try to post a MySpace video every day, just to keep my talent alive and growing. Nowadays, being anonymous is worse than being poor. Fame is the most important thing in our culture now. And if there's one thing I've learned, it's that no one's just gonna hand it to you._**

**Rachel uploaded a video of her singing.**

**The scene cut to a gymnasium where some cheerleaders sat on the bleachers laughing and commenting on Rachel's Myspace.**

**-If I were your parents, I would sell you back-**

**-I'm going to scratch out my eyes.-**

**-Please get sterilized.-**

Everyone gasped.

"That is cyber bullying!"

"What if she committed suicide or something because of that? That would be terrible."

"They wouldn't care." Trent said truthfully.

**RACHEL'S ROOM-**

**Rachel read the comments looking disheartened.**

**"Very nice, Rachel."**

**"When do** **we start rehearsals?" She immediately asked.**

**CHOIR ROOM -**

**Rachel, Artie, Tina, Mercedes, and Kurt sing Sit Down Your Rockin the Boat, and they're horrible.**

"They suck." Ethan commented.

"The kid in the wheelchair has a decent great voice."

**At the end of the song Artie crashed his wheelchair into a wall. Mr. Shue winced.**

**"We suck." Rachel declared.**

**"Uh, it… It'll get there. We-we just need to keep rehearsing."**

**Mr. Schuester, do you have any idea how ridiculous it is to give the lead solo in "Sit Down, You're Rockin' the Boat" to a boy in a wheelchair?**

**"I think Mr. Schue is using irony to enhance the performance."**

**"There is nothing ironic about show choir!"**

**"Rachel… Rachel!" Mr. Shue called after her**

**FOOTBALL FIELD-**

**"That's sloppy! You're sloppy babies! It's just disgraceful! And I want the agony out of your eyes! Uh-uh, Lance, don't you start crying! You are the weak link, pal! How's it feel to be the weak link, huh?! That can't feel very good!" Sue yelled into the megaphone.**

The boys burst out into hysterical giggles.

"That women is ridiculous!"

"She seems vaguely familiar." David said

Blaine angled his head. "If you sorta turn your head and squint she kind of looks like Ellen."

"Hmm."

**Mr. Shue sat down behind Rachel on the bleachers.**

**"You changed out of your costume." Mr. Shue commented.**

**"I'm tired of being laughed at."**

**"You're the best kid in there, Rachel. That comes with a price."**

**"Look, I know I'm just a sophomore, but I can feel the clock ticking away, and I don't want to leave high school with nothing to show for it."**

**"You get great grades. You're a fantastic singer."**

**"Everybody hates me."**

**"And you think Glee Club is going to change that?"**

"It did for a lot of us."

**"Being great at something is going to change it. Being a part of something special makes you special, right? I need a male lead who can keep up with me vocally."**

**"Maybe I can coach Artie a little."**

**"Look, Mr. Schue, I really appreciate what you're trying to do, but if you can't give me what I need, then I'm** **sorry. I'm not going to make a fool out of myself. I can't keep wasting my time with Glee. It hurts too much."**

**Ken rolled up in a golf kart and blew a whistle to get their attention**.

**"Schuester! Figgins wants you!"**

**PRINCIPLE'S OFFICE-**

**"But we just started rehearsals."**

**"My hands are tied, Schue. I need the auditorium. Alcoholics Anonymous wants to rent it out for their afternoon meetings. Lots of drunks in this town. They're paying me ten bucks a head."**

**"If we show at regionals, Glee stays; if not, the bar's open on the auditorium."**

**"What is it with you and this club? You've got only five kids—one of them's a cripple."**

"What does that have to do with anything? He could get sued for saying something like that!"

**"Then I guess you've got nothing to worry about."**

**"Fine."**

**"Yes!"**

**"But you're running detention for free to make it up to me."**

**"Deal."**

**SHEETS'N'THINGS-**

**Terri is arguing with a fellow employee as Will entered.**

**"Someone looks beautiful today."**

**"Hey."**

**"Hi."**

**"You look very handsome."**

**"Thank you. I just thought I'd bring you roast beef on pumpernickel—your favorite."**

**"Aw. Oh, but does it have mayo?"**

**"Yeah."**

**"Will, if my diabetes comes back, I can't get pregnant."**

**"I…"**

"WISHPAH! Talk about whipped."

**"What is wrong with you?"**

"What's wrong with you?" Jeff countered.

**"I just wanted to tell you that I'm going to have to start working late for the next couple of months. I'm, uh, monitoring after-school detention."**

**"What?" Terri asked sharply.**

**"I had to make a deal with Figgins so he wouldn't kill Glee Club."**

**"But Will, I'm on my feet four hours a day three times a week here. Now I have to go home, and I have to cook dinner for myself?" Complained Terri**.

"My fourteen year old sister does that much." Richard scoffed.

"I do twice that at my summer job." Said Jeff.

"You have a summer job?" Asked Blaine curiously.

"Yep. It gets me away from the siblings for awhile and it's fun."

"Where do you work?"

"Oh, there's this snowcone shack-

"Excuse me ladies," David interrupted, wiggling the remote around. "Can we get back to the show?"

Blaine smiled sheepishly. "Of course."

**Another employee entered and began a one-sided argument with Terry.**

**Will saw Sandy Ryerson verbally abusing an employee and tried unsuccesfully to sneak past.**

**"William?"**

**"Sandy? Hey."**

**Sandy then pulled a reluctant Will into a sketchy conversation**.

At the end of the scene the boys were frowning.

"I can't believe that creep is a drug a dealer." Said Ethan.

Nicholi shook his head. "I can't believe he tried to sell to Mr. Shue."

"Are you guys kidding me?" Said Cameron, "I can't believe he isn't in jail."

The boys were quiet for a minute.

Jeff broke the silence. "It is kind of funny that that football coach bought weed from him though."

**SUE'S OFFICE-**

**Sue dusted her cheerleading trophies when Will knocked on her door and looked in.**

**"Hey, Sue. Can I have a sec?"**

**"Sure, buddy. Come on in."**

**Music began playing (tune of When I Get You Alone)**.

"Oh!" Blaine exclaimed. "I love this song!"

"Really?" Asked Nicholi. "I've always thought it a little suggestive."

"A little. But it has a killer tune."

"That would be a great songs to a Capella." Wes mused.

"Can we sometime?" Nicholi asked eagerly.

Wes grinned at the enthusiasm. "Sure."

**Emma got her shoe stuck in a wad of gum and started freaking out.**

"Is she supposed to be OCD or something."

"That would explain the gloves earlier." Blaine said thoughtfully

**"Hey, Emma, you got a second? What is that, gum?"**

**SUE'S OFFICE-**

**"So, you want to talk to my Cheerios about joining Glee Club?"**

**"Well, I need more kids - performers - and all the best ones are in the Cheerios, so I figured some of them might want to double up."**

**"Okay, so what you're doing right now is called blurring the lines. High school is a caste system. Kids fall into certain slots. Your jocks and your popular kids up in the penthouse. The invisibles and the kids playing live-action druids and trolls out in the forest-"**

Flint and Jeff high-fived.

"Guys I don't think that's something to be proud of." Said Cameron.

Jeff turned to Flint. "They just don't understand the epicness of a level 70 night elf rougue."

"**bottom floor.**

"This show is just ruining all of our fun."

**"And… where do the Glee kids lie?"**

"Top of the pyramid." Ethan said confidently and high-fived Richard.

**"Sub-basement."**

The Warblers looked put out.

"This makes me sad." Jeff sighed.

**SIDEWALK-**

**Will tried to scrape the gum off Emma's shoe.**

**"Sue's not wrong, but I don't think anything is set in stone. I mean, you know, kids are going to do what they think is cool, which is not always who they are. You just need to find a way to get them out of their boxes."**

**"Well, how do I do that?"**

**"They follow the leader. You know, if you can get a couple of the popular kids to sign up, the rest will fall right in line."**

"Here that wouldn't be a problem." Said Jeff.

"From what we've seen of there though-" Said Nick.

"Good. Luck." Nicholi finished.

**FOOTBALL FIELD-**

**Will jogged alongside Ken's golf cart.**

**"I just want to talk to them." He said.**

**"I don't know, dude. I can't see any of my guys wanting to join Glee Club. Last month, they held down one of their teammates, shaved off his eyebrows just because he watched Grey's Anatomy."**

Everyone's head jerked to Jeff, who gulped.

"Those monsters." He whispered.

**"Look, all I'm looking for is an introduction."**

**"Fine. You got to put a good word in for me with Emma."**

**SIDEWALK-**

**Will finished scraping the gum off Emma's shoe.**

**"There you go, Cinderella."**

"Eeew, adult flirting."

**"Thank you. I have trouble with things like that. The, um… the… the messy things."**

"OCD."

**"Yeah."**

**"It's really nice how much you care about Glee, about the kids."**

**SUE'S OFFICE-**

**"If you really care about these kids, you'll leave well enough alone. Children like to know where they stand, so let your little Glee kids have their little club, but don't pretend that any of them are something they're not."**

**BOYS LOCKER ROOM-**

**Ken is stood at the front of the room with Will. The football team is scattered around.**

**"Circle up." Ken ordered. "Mr. Schuester is going to talk to you. If you don't listen, you do laps. You mouth off, you do laps. Got it? They're all yours, Will."**

**"Thanks, Ken. Hey, guys, how you doing? Uh, I think I recognize some of you from Spanish class, but, uh, I'm… I'm here today to talk to you about something different: music. Glee Club needs guys."**

**"I can sing." Puck laughed**.

"Wasn't that the guy witht the slushy?"

"This won't end well."

**"Really? That's fantastic."**

"Is he stupid or just oblivious?" Asked Nick.

"I believe that is what they call desperate." Blaine grimaced.

**"You wanna hear?"**

**"Yeah."**

**Puck walked to the front of the locker room amid applause from the other football players. He then let out a loud fart.**

"That is repulsive." Cameron groaned**.**

"That is also a typical teenage boy."

"I am so glad my parents sent me to a private school."

Most of the other boys nodded their agreement.

**"Ohhh yeah." Puck cheered.**

**"I'm going to put the sign-up sheet at the door to the so if anyone wants to sign up, please… Thank you."**

**"Dismissed. Puck, in my office in five minutes."**

**"You been sleeping okay? Your eyes look a little bloodshot."**

**"I got allergies**."

"Or a minor drug addiction."

"Okay. Thanks a lot."

**BOYS LOCKER ROOM- The New Directions sign-up sheet has three names: Gaylord Weiner, Butt Lunch, and Penis. Will stared at the sheet, dismayed.**

_**WILL: I honestly thought that was the end of the very brief fever dream that was "New Directions"**_

**Will hears someone singing REO Speedwagon's "Can't Fight This Feeling".**

"Five bucks says it's Puck." Betted Jeff.

"We are not betting Jeff." Said David.

"Only 'cause you're broke," Jeff mumbled. "and you couldn't bet anyway, you've already seen this."

**He finds Finn in the showers, singing to himself.**

Jeff banged a fist on the floor.

"You should've just let him bet David." Snickered Nicholi.

_**I suddenly realized why I had wanted to do this thing in the first place. It was seeing the gift in a kid that they didn't even know they had. It was pure talent.**_

"Is he just standing there watching him?"

"I believe he is having an epiphany." David shared a look with Thad and they both laughed.

Richard, none the wiser replied. "It's still really creepy."

_**What I did then… was the blackest moment of my life.**_

**WILL'S OFFICE-**

**Will showed Finn the packet of marijuana that Sandy gave him.**

**"You want to tell me how long you've had a drug problem?" Asked Will.**

"That's terrible." Blaine said.

"Not to mention illegal." Added Wes.

**"I don't even know who the Chronic Lady is." Finn insisted.**

**"Look, if it were up to me, we wouldn't have mandatory bi-weekly afternoon locker checks."**

**"But I've never seen that before, Mr. Schue, I swear. It's not mine. I'll pee in a cup. I'll pee."**

The boys laughed.

_Poor, poor stupid Finn_. Thought Blaine.

**"Look, it… it wouldn't make any difference. Possession is eight-tenths of the law. I'm pretty sure that much pot is a felony. Yeah. Look, you'll get kicked out of school. You'll lose your football scholarship."**

**"Wait… I had a football scholarship? To… to where?"**

**"You could land in prison, son." Shue says seriously.**

**"Oh my God. Please, don't tell my mom." Finn begged.**

**"Look, I see a lot of myself in you, Finn. I know what it's like to struggle to make good life choices, and I don't want to see you throw away everything you have to offer the world. I just expected more out of you, Finn.**

**"That really got to me when Mr. Schuester said that, because every day of my life, I expect more out of myself. See, I might look confident and everything, but I really struggle with the same thing** **others kids do: peer pressure, bacne."**

**FINN'S HOUSE-**

**A young Finn looks at a photograph of his father.**

**"I never knew my dad. He died in Iraq when we were fighting Osama bin Laden the first time."**

"That's really sad." Jeff said looking down. One of his uncles had died during the same war.

The guys nodded.

Blaine squeezed his arm comfortingly.

"It seems like you think you know who all of these characers are and what their life would be like, then they do something that suprises you." Nick said thoughtfully.

"They do put a spin on the all of the archetypes." Wes affirmed. "It's refreshing."

**Young Finn plays the drums. Finn's mother Carole Hudson is trying to talk on the phone.**

**"Hold on, hold on. Finn, Finn, Finn! Please, I'm on the phone. I just want to trade next Saturday's shift for this Saturday, because Finn's got a parents night for Cub Scouts."**

**FINN: My mom and me, we're real close, but being a single parent can be hard. The only good time for Mom was en we splurged a little bit and ordered Emerald Dreams.**

**FINN'S HOUSE-**

**Emerald Dreams employee Darren is spraying the Hudsons' front lawn. Young Finn is helping him. Carole is sitting close by**.

"Eungg! Darren looks a little sketch."

**Darren was good to her, and he was cool about letting me hang out.**

**Young Finn and Darren sing Journey's "Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin'".**

**That was the first time I really heard music. Man, it set my soul on fire.**

**"You got a voice, buddy. Seriously, if I had that voice, my band would still be together. Stick with it."**

**FINN'S HOUSE-**

**Darren drives by with his new girlfriend.**

**My mom took it real hard when Darren left her for that girl he met at Pick & Save.**

**Carole throws a milk jug at Darren's truck, upset.**

**It was at that moment I decided to do whatever it took to make my mom proud of me. To make her feel all her sacrifice was worth it.**

**WILL'S OFFICE-**

**"We have two options here. I'm running detention now, so you can do six weeks after school, but that's gonna remain on your permanent record."**

**"What's the other option, Mr. Schue?"**

"He isn't..." Blaine trailed off.

**AUDITORIUM-**

**Finn starts singing "You're the One that I Want" from Grease**.

"Oh, but he is."

**Rachel perks up and joins in, excited.**

**When Rachel started putting her hands all over Kurt the boys burst into uproarious laughter.**

**After a moment, Mercedes breaks them up.**

**"Oh, hell to the no. Look, I'm not down with this background singing nonsense. I'm Beyonce. I ain't no Kelly Rowland**."

"We got a diva up in the house!" Jeff laughed making weird gestures.

**"Okay, look, Mercedes, it's just one song."**

**"And it's the first time we've been kind of good." Kurt added.**

**"Okay, you're good, white boy. I'll give you that. But you better bring it. Let's run it again."**

**"All right, let's do it. From the top."**

**SHUESTER's HOUSE-**

**Terry an Will sat at a table pricing together a puzzle.**

**"You usually don't let me in your craft room."**

**"Isn't this fun? And challenging. Every Wednesday, we're gonna have puzzle night." Said Terry.**

"Dear God, let me marry a man!" Prayed Nicholi.

Blaine burst out laughing. "Nicholi, I can't guarantee you a man would be amy better."

Nicholi thought for a moment. "Then I call dibs on you."

"Hey, that's not fair! What about me?"

"Thad, I think if anyone gets to marry Blaine it would obviously be me." Richard joked.

"Guys, guys, guys!" Blaine interjected. "When we're forty whoever is still single can fight for my hand then."

"Risky promise Anderson," David swatted him playfully. "You better start working on getting these gentlemen dates."

"Hey!"

**"Because I know how important it is for you to have a creative outlet."**

**"You know, the kids have been working so hard. I was thinking about taking them on a field trip next Saturday. Carmel High's performing a showcase down in Akron. Now, Carmel's gonna be the team to beat at regionals. And I was wondering if you might want to come chaperone it with me."**

**"On Saturday?"**

"Here we go." Thad rolled his eyes.

**"Oh, I can't. I had to pick up an extra shift at work, Will. We're living paycheck to paycheck, you know."**

"I know I'm just a little rich kid, but I'm positive that that's not living paycheck to paycheck." Said Nick.

**Will and Terri then argued about money and Will's job.**

"If I were him I would leave that psycho bitch and never look back." Cameron assured.

"That marriage can't be healthy." Nick agreed.

**TEACHERS LOUNGE-**

**Ken is staring at Emma while shredding papers. Emma is staring at Will, who is putting up a sign-up sheet for chaperones. Once Will leaves, Emma walks up to the sheet and puts her name down.**

**FOOTBALL FIELD-**

**PUCK is throwing footballs at another football player's head. He notices Ken yelling at Finn.**

**"You're the quarterback! No. I don't want to hear it. You make your decision. You're a football player, or you're a singer."**

**Finn walks by. Puck catches up to him.**

**"Hey. What's going on?" Puck asked.**

**"Oh. I just… I have to miss practice Saturday afternoon. It's, uh… it's my mom. I got to help her… cook and, uh,** **do things."**

**"Why?" Asked Puck.**

"Do you need a reason to help your mom?"

"Don't you have a maid?"

"Yeah, but if I didn't I would help my mother.

**"She just had, uh, surgery."**

**"What kind of surgery?"**

**"Uh,** **well, she, um, had to have her prostate out."**

The Warblers burst into laughter.

"Oh-oh my G-God!" Flint gasped.

"The b-best part is that he probably doesn't even k-know what that is!"

**"Man, that's a tough break." Puck sympathized.**

**"Yeah, it's, uh, engorged."**

**FOOTBALL FIELD-**

**"Yo**u **think this is hard? I'm living with hepatitis. That's hard." Sue yelled into her megaphone.**

**"I'm not sure how I feel about this woman." Blaine thought aloud.**  
**  
TEACHERS LOUNGE-**

**Ken enters and slaps away the book that WILL was reading.**

**"You stole my quarterback."**

**"Okay, look. Finn's got a great voice. He just wants to express himself." Will insists.**

**"You're screwing up my life."**

"I think that's going a little far."

**"Okay, Ken? You hate football. What's this really about?"**

**PARKING LOT-**

**Emms is disinfecting the door handle of her car. Ken approaches.**

**"Hey, M&M. So, I got tickets to Monster Trucks this weekend. Luge tickets."**

**"No thanks. Not really my thing."**

**"Truckzilla versus Truckasaurus, and get this: the trucks breathe fire."**

"Even I know women don't like that kind of thing." Ethan snorted.

**"Ken. Look, you know how every time you ask me out, I tell you that I'm on my period?"**

**"Which doesn't bother me."**

**"Or I'm suffering from cluster headaches, or I'm allergic to nighttime? Those things—not really true. I'm just not interested in dating you."**

**"How do I get you… into my hatchback?"**

"By not saying things like that."

**"Okay, Ken, fine, you know what, make me say it: I like somebody else. All right? Nothing I can do about it because they're unavailable, so I have to deal with that, but—"**

**Ken licks his hand and rubs it all over Emma's car door handle.**

**TEACHERS LOUNGE-**

**"You're right. I'm overreacting. The herd will take care of it."**

**"The herd?" Questioned Will**

**"The student body. The second someone tries to rise above - be different - the herd pulls them back in. So. Oh, and by the way, thanks for putting a good word in for me with Emma, buddy. I guess you just want her for yourself, huh? Adios, amigo."**

**CARMEL HIGH SCHOOL-**

**Rachel and Finn are in line for snacks. Will and Emma are behind them.**

**"You're very talented."**

**"Really?"**

**"Yeah. I would know. I'm very talented, too. I think the rest of the team expects us to become an item. You, the hot male lead, and me, the stunning young ingenue everyone roots for."**

"Very subtle, Rachel."

**"Well, I, uh, have a girlfriend." Finn said awkwardly.**

**"Really? Who?"**

**"Quinn Fabray."**

**"Cheerleader Quinn Fabray? The president of the Celibacy Club?" Rachel asks incredulously.**

**QUINN'S HOUSE-**

**Finn and Quinn are making out. FINN reaches down to touch Quinn's butt. Quinn stops him and sits up.]**

**"Wait. Let's pray."**

Most of the guys cringed.

**CARMEL HIGH SCHOOL-**

**"For almost four months now. She's cool. Mmm, I wonder if they have Sour Patch Kids."**

The Warblers snorted,

"Guy's got such a short attention span."

**CARMEL HIGH SCHOOL AUDITORIUM-**

**Will, Emma, and the New Directions are seated together, about to watch Carmel High's glee club perform. Will leans over to the others.**

**"Hey, guys, so this is supposed to be our competition, but, uh, I honestly don't think that they've got the talent that we've got. But let's be a good audience, all right? Give 'em some of that old McKinley High respect."**

**"Please give a warm Buckeye State welcome to last year's regional champions, Vocal Adrenaline!" A voice boomed.**

"Vocal Adrenaline!" Wes uncharacteristaclly squeaked.

The Warblers watched in anticipation as Vocal Adrenaline filed on stage and began their performance.

"This too is weird." Nick said.

"That's the same team that beat us at regionals!" Cried Trent."Look!"

Trent yanked the remote out of Thad's hands and paused it. "You can just make out that stupid Jesse St. James kid."

The guys, with the exception of Thad, David, and Blaine, crowded around the television and began pointing out the few members they recognized.

"How did you two not notice this before?" Blaine asked David and Thad.

David shrugged. "It was late the only time we watched this part. We probably didn't notice."

Eventually the guys unpaused the show, but not before sending glares toward David and Thad.

**Vocal Adrenaline performs Amy Winehouse's "Rehab". It is amazing. Everyone cheers. New Directions were stunned.**

Wes leaned over to his fellow future council members. "We need to discuss this afterwards."

They nodded.

**"We're d-d-doomed." Tina stuttered.**

**CARMEL HIGH SCHOOL-**

**Finn walked past a group of Carmel High drummers. Puck and a few football players are waiting for him around the corner with paintball guns.**

**"Chicks don't have prostates."**

"He can be taught!"

**"I looked it up. You broke the rules, Finn, and for that, you must be punished."**

**The football players hold up their paintball guns and surround Finn.**

**"Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. You've got the power here, okay? You-you don't have to do this."**

**The football players open fire.**

**WILL'S APARTMENT-**

**Will enters. Terri is waiting for him with champagne. A banner that reads "Congratulations" is hanging in the doorway.**

**"There's my baby."**

**"Wow, honey. This is amazing. What-what's the congratulations for? The kids haven't won anything yet."**

**"I'm pregnant."**

"That is a truly terrifying prospect." Cameron shuddered.

Blaine gave him a disapproving look, but secretly agreed.

**"Really?' Will said taken aback.**

**"Yeah."**

**"Terri, don't mess with me. Oh my God, this is amazing. We're going to be a family. Oh my God. Oh! Can't believe it."**

**AUDITORIUM- Will breaks the bad news to the New Directions.**

**"You're leaving us? When?" Asks Artie.**

**"Well, I've given my two weeks' notice, but I promise I'm gonna find you guys a great replacement before I go."**

**"Is this 'cause those Carmel kids were so good? Because we can work harder."**

"That's really sad that they think that."

**"This isn't fair, Mr. Schuester. We can't do this without you."**

**"So does that mean that I don't have to be in the club anymore or…?"**

**"This isn't about you guys. Being an adult is about having to make difficult choices. It's not like high school. Sometimes you have to give up the things that you love. One day you guys are going to grow up and understand that. I have loved being your teacher."**

**AUDITORIUM-**

**Will is packing up his things. He picks up his guitar and starts singing John Denver's "Leaving on a Jet Plane".**

**"MCKINLEY HIGH-**

**Emma draws a heart around Will's face in the yearbook.**

**CLASSROOM-**

**Will fills out a job application for H.W. Menken.**

**TEACHERS LOUNGE-**

**Emma overhears other teachers talking about WILL.**

**"I heard he's having a baby. That's why he gave Figgins his notice." One teacher says.**

**CLASSROOM-**

**Will finishes filling out his job application. Emma walks up to him and convinces him to do a career counseling session.**

**HALLWAY-**

**Finn shuts his locker and finds RACHEL standing there.]**

**"Didn't see you at Glee Club today."**

**"Is that still happening?"**

**"I've taken over. I'm interim director, but I expect the position will become permanent."**

**Quinn and Santana enter.**

**"Hi, Finn. (to Rachel) RuPaul.**

**"Hey."**

**"What are you doing talking to her?" Quinn demands.**

"Is controlling women the theme of this show or something?"

**"Science project—we're partners."**

**"Christ Crusaders tonight at 5, my house."**

**"Sounds great."**

**Quinn and Santana exit.**

**"Look, I-I should go. I can't do Glee anymore. It conflicts with…"**

**"Your reputation? You've really got something, Finn, and you're throwing it away."**

**"I-I'm going to be late."**

**"You can't keep worrying about what people think of you, Finn. You're better than all of them."**

**FOOTBALL FIELD-**

**Football players are rehearsing. Finn and Puck are talking.**

**"What do you want me to do, apologize? That's not me, dude. Look, if I joined the flag team, you'd beat the crap out of me. I just don't understand why you did it."**

**"Schuester told me it'd give me enough extra credit to pass Spanish if I joined the club, okay? I… I didn't have a choice. If I failed another class, I'd be off the team. Look, it's over, okay? I quit. Anything else?"**

**"No, that's it. And as a welcome back to the world of the normal… I got you a present." Puck smirked.**

"I don't like the sound of this."

**Puck walked ahead. Finn hears a sound.**

**"What's that noise?"**

**Artie is trapped inside a portable toilet.**

Blaine winced.

**"Help, help! Help!" Artie cries out.**

**Finn walks up to the group of portable toilets. Puck and other football players are standing nearby.**

**"What's going on?" Finn asked.**

**"We got that wheelchair kid inside. We're going to flip it."**

**"Isn't that kind of dangerous?"**

**"He's already in a wheelchair. Come on, dude, we saved you the first roll."**

**Finn shook his head. He opens the portable toilet and pulls Artie out.**

The Warblers cheered.

**"Thank you. Thank you so much. Thank you. Oh my God, the smell." Artie gagged.**

**"What the hell, dude? I can't believe you're helping out this loser."**

**"Don't you get it, man? We're all losers—everyone in this school. Hell, everyone in this town. Out of all the kids who graduate, maybe half will go to college, and two will leave the state to do it. I'm not afraid of being called a loser 'cause I can accept that that's what I am. But I am afraid of turning my back on something that actually made me happy for the first time in my sorry life."**

**"So what? Are you quitting to join Homo Explosion?"**

**"No. I'm doing both. 'Cause you can't win without me and neither can they.**

**Finn wheels Artie away. In the distance, Darren, the Emerald Dreams employee from Finn's childhood is spraying the football field and singing Journey.**

**AUDITORIUM-**

**Rachel and the rest of New Directions are arguing when Finn wheels Artie in.**

**"Look, you guys, these steps are not hard. I've been doing them since preschool."**

**"I'm sorry, did I miss the election for queen? Because I didn't vote for you." Kurt said sarcastically.**

**"I know what I'm talking about. I won my first dance competition when I was three months old."**

"Is that even possible?"

"No, I don't think so." Said Blaine.

**Kurt turned to Finn. "This is a closed rehearsal."**

**"Look, I owe you guys an apology. I never should have quit. I don't want to be the guy that just drives around throwing eggs at people."**

**"That was you?"**

**"You and your friends threw pee balloons at me."**

"Oh my God! That's disgusting!"

"That's horrible! Not to mention demeaning and unsanitary."

"Why would they do that?"

"He's gay." Blaine sighed.

"How can you tell?"

Blaine gave them his best bitch please face.

"Well we definitely know Blaine is." Jeff snickered.

**"I know."**

**"You nailed all my lawn furniture to my roof."**

"How does one even do that?"

"Beats me."

**"I wasn't actually there for that, but I'm really sorry. Look, that isn't who I am, and I'm tired of it. This is what I want to be doing, with you guys. I used to think that this was like, the lamest thing on Earth, and maybe it is, but… we're all here for the same reason—'cause we want to be good at something. Artie, you play guitar, right? Think you could recruit the jazz band?"**

**"I do have pull there."**

**"All right. Mercedes, we need new costumes, and they have to be cool. Can you do that?"**

**"Damn, don't you see what I got on?"**

**"Rachel, you can do choreography." Finn turned to Tina. "Tina, what are you good at?"**

**"I-I…" Tina stuttered.**

**"We'll figure something out for you."**

**"And what are you bringing to the table, Justin Timberlake?" Questioned Mercedes.**

**"I've got the music."**

**TEACHERS LOUNGE-**

**Will and** **Emma sit together at a table.**

**"I want to show you something. I did a little research… and this is a tape I found in the library of the '93 team at nationals."**

**Emma played the tape for Will.**

"That looks familiar." Wes said.

"Maybe they used an old tape from an actual competition."

"Did you see that video quality?" Ethan asked. "No amount of high-tech CGI and Photoshop could fix the earlie nineties."

**Emma tries to convince Will not to become an accounant because teaching and Glle Club is what he loves.**

**HALLWAY-**

**Will is** **walking away when he hears music from the auditorium.]**

**AUDITORIUM-**

**The New Directions performed Journey's "Don't Stop Believin'". Will watches them perform. Sue, Quinn, and Santana watch from the rafters. Puck from one of the exits. When they're done, Will clapped loudly, startling them.**

Wes sniffled. "That was beautiful." He whispered.

"Not to be overly sentimental, but that would be a pretty awesome memory to look back on." Said Nick.

**"Good, guys. It's a nine. We need a ten. Rachel, you need to hit the ones and the fives. Finn, I think if we worked on it, you could hit a high "B."**

**"So does this mean you're staying?" Finn asks hopefully.**

**"It would kill me to see you win nationals without me. From the top."**

**END**

"That gets me every time." David sighed dreaming.

"Exactly how many times did you watch it?" Questioned Nicholi.

Blaine stretched letting out a loud yawn, then stood to turn the lights back on. He closed his eyes tight before flicking the switch. The guys weren't expecting the sudden flow of light and groaned.

"He made me rewind Don't Stop Believing six times." Thad said.

David hastily wiped away the tears. "We were both bawling like babies the whole time."

Thad glared at him.

"You totally were." Cameron scoffed.

...  
_  
Cameron sauntered down the corridor, having just woken up from one of the best night's sleep he'd had in awhile. His hair was perfectly coiffed with a minimal amount of gel- something Blaine never fully understood the concept of. His Dalton uniform was nicely pressed since he woke up earlier enough to actually iron. Last of all, he noted stopping by a mirror hanging on the wall, he wore his best smile._

_He winked at his reflection before continuing on._

_Somewhere on his journey out of the dormitories he heard a ruckus coming from a dorm that was cracked open._

_He gently knocked before creaking the door open half an inch more._

_"Don't Stop! Beleivin'!" An emotional voice belted out._

_Inside David Thompson and Thad Harwood sat atop one of the beds clutching onto each other, both sniffling._

_Cameron watched the two curiously for a few more minutes, then, with his fingers pressed against his smirk, he backed away and closed the door._

_Yep_. _Today was a very enlightening day for one Mr. Cameron James._

_..._

At the end of his little tale, both David and Thad were glaring at him. He chose to ignore them and instead laughed openly at their expense.

"The beauty of a lock my friends." He advised.

"You're all insane." Nick deadpanned. "I am so glad Blaine is my roommate."

"Like you're _so_ normal Nicholas," snorted Ethan. "I'm sure Blaine has all kinds of dirt on you."

Blaine shared a look with Nick and fidgeted uncomfortably.

Oh they definitely had their fair share of moments.

"Anyway," Wes said, wiping his eyes with a hankercheif. "We have some things to discuss."

The guys groaned.

"You're not going to make us do a 'what did we learn from this experience' session, are you?"

"I may yet, Sterling." Wes warned.

"No," David spoke up, in hopes of getting the conversation on track. "Vocal Adrenaline."

The guys who were on the floor moved onto chairs or one of the beds, with the exception of Jeff who remained on the floor with the blanket once again thrown over his head.

"What about them?"

"I think we all agree that that was them on the show. Which means, if this is a legitimate thing and they were paid to perform then they could be disqualified."

"What?"

"The State of Ohio's Show Choir Rules and Regulations state-" Wes began.

"Basically professional groups can't perform, and being paid in any way shape or form automatically disqualifies you." Blaine paraphrased.

"Exactly. Which means if Vocal Adrenaline was compensated for their performance then we, as the sectional runner ups, may quialify for regionals." Thad clarified.

"So we're going to regionals?" Asked Trent.

"Not quite." David said. "Even if we got current council to take a look at the evidence and we had it cleared by the local committee, we don't know if they were in fact compensated."

"But still, there's a chance." Stated Cameron.

The Warblers began chattering excitedly.

"Look, guys!" Blaine spoke up. "I want to go to regionals just as bad as everyone else, but Vocal Adrenaline earned, though by somewhat questionable means, their position as the top show choir in the state fairly. It would wouldn't be right to do that to them."

Most of the boys immediately started voicing their opposition, while David and Thad whispered to eachother quietly.

_Bang! Bang! Bang!_

"I will have order!" Wes barked, giving each of the boys a look."Warbler Blaine, please present your argument."

Blaine nodded. "I understand the desire to make it to nationals, as the Warblers haven't even made it to regionals since 2007. However, I don't believe that by simply knocking off the competition by such means what the Warblers represent."

Blaine stood up and paced to the front of the room, his hands clasped behind his back.

"It wouldn't be fair to Vocal Adrenaline and especially ourselves. As I said before, regardless of their validity in the eyes of any committee, they still beat us at sectionals because they proved to the judges with their talent." After he finished he looked toward the future council.

Wes gave him an approving smile, and David and Thad looked mildly impressed.

"All of those in favor of withholding this information?" Wes inquired.

Jeff's hand was the first to shoot up, out from under his blanket, followed by Nick's, then Nicholi's, then Thad's, and finally the rest.

"Then that is settled." David conceded. "We will be withholding this information from the current council and Warblers not present in this room."

There seemed to be an underlying meaning to David's words, and Blaine was sure like everyone else felt it too as huge grins appeared on everyone's face.

"Um, Wes? Where did the gavel come from?"

The Warblers immediately turned back to Wes, who was now caught red-handed attempting to stowe a shiny gavel back into his satchel.

"I happened to find this fine piece of woodwork in an antique shop last weekend." Wes answered smoothly.

Nick snorted. "You just couldn't wait until next year could you?"

"I might as well have the future generation of Warblers used to when the head council position is mine. It is a good exercise for next year."

The Warblers looked at him incredulously.

"Sure. Can we go to bed now?" Nicholi looked toward Thad and David.

"Do whatever you like." David answered. "We just wanted to show you guys Glee."

"Can we do this again?" Asked Ethan. "It was aa pretty awesome show and it was fun getting together like this."

David turned to Thad looking thoughtful.

"On one condition," Thad began. "Everyone has to bring a snack of some sort."

Blaine laughed along with the other guys.

"Now everyone get out of our dorm." Thad said seriously.

The Warblers began shuffling out. Blaine walked over to where Nick and Jeff's roomate, Nicholi, poking the blonde.

"Nooo! Leave me here, David won't mind." Jeff mumbled.

"Oh yes he does mind. Begone!" Said boy called, now in his own bed under the covers.

Blaine checked his watch- almost midnight.

"Let's go Jeff, it's tomorrow." Blaine said.

Jeff reluctantly removed himself from Thad's comforter.

"Why is it so late? It was like, eight when we got here." Jeff whined.

"Because some idiot wouldn't shut up, and we kept having to pause." Nick answered accusingly.

On the way out of the door, Blaine picked up the comforter and threw it at Thad before flicking the light switch.

"Thank you!" Thad yelled.

In the corridor Nick was pealing Jeff off of his arm and trying to push him off on his roomate.

"Are you sure you don't need any help?" Blaine politely offered.

Nicholi waved a hand dismissively. "Nah, our dorms just down the hall."

_Good._ Blaine thought._ If he did need help I cprobably would've just depositied Jeff against the nearest wall._

"Okay. Goodnight."

"'Night." Nick said as well.

Nicholi merely grunted, not wanting to use what little breath he had on speaking.

Blaine and Nick only made it a few doors down when they heard a loud thump.

"Should we go help?" Blaine reluctantly sighed.

"Nope." Nick answered, already walking away.

_Thank you Nick._

Blaine breifly glanced back to see Nicholi glaring at Jeff who was picking himself up off of the ground.

"No! I am not carrying you back to the dorm!" He exclaimed as he walked away.

Blaine chuckled and trailed after Nick.

"That was fun...ish." Blaine yawned.

"Yeah, it was a good show."

Nick pulled open the door. The pair went for their drawers, slipping pajamas on before they jumped into bed.

* * *

**AN: I really hope you liked it and it wasn't too disappointing. Reading the book's fics are so much easier since all you have to do is copy and paste in bold print then add commentary. With this I copied down the Pilot script off a website, added commentary, watched Glee, added more commentary, watched Glee while revising what was going on to make it more descriptive, then copied it onto and it didn't copy down the bold print so I had to go back through and bold print everything all the while adding more comments. Hopefully I'll get much faster at this or create a quicker system, as I ended up working on this all day.**

**I'd really like to know what you think about how I portray the characters. Love it? Hate it? I try to keep them in character as much as possible. During Dalton scenes I constantly rewind to watch their reactions, which are actually very interesting. Others I've sort of just given personalities. **

**I wasn't very descisive in the direction I wanted to go, so I think I'm going to go all the way to Season 3 at the least, and then post a one shot of the Warblers meeting ND after they watch Season 2.****  
**

**This is sorta my 'I'm too impatient to post my other real Fanfic, so I wrote this' fic, plus I hope to improve my writing. However, ****I do plan on finishing this so long as I have one reader.**

**I'm also totally open to suggestions. What do you want to see?**

**Long winded AN out! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee.**

* * *

**Showmance**

Early Saturday morning found the boys back in Thad and David's dorm. Thad and David were the only ones completely awake, they were both sitting against the headboard of Thad's bed. Nicholi and Trent were on David's bed, their backs resting against the wall, Jeff flung across their laps. Richard, Nick, Ethan, and Flint sat on the floor in front of the television. Cameron stood by the door with his arms crossed and a light scowl. Blaine lay on his side at the end of Thad's bed. Which left Wes, who was nowhere to be found.

"Somebody did wake him, right?"

"He has prefect duties at five. I sent him a text message an hour ago. Someone probably grafitied the bathroom mirror again and he's wiping it off." Said Thad.

"Ugggh! Your right!"

"I doubt it." Cameron drawled. "He's probably just sneaking around with a girl and he forgot."

"Wes with a girl? Sure"

"I still say he's cleaning grafitti."

"He's not."

"How are you so positive."

"Who do you think wrote those things on the mirror last time?"

"That was you?"

Blaine opened his mouth to play mediator between the two but the door burst open.

"Lattes boys." Wes chimed, carrying a large box stacked with coffee cups. "Help, please. These are heavy."

Nicholi, Blaine, and Thad jumped up from their spots and scrambled to get to Wes, who was struggling under the weight of the precious cargo.

"Ow."

"Thank you." Wes said.

Nicholi took the box out of his hands and placed it on a nearby table. Blaine began taking the full coffee cups and setting them beside the box. Thad doled out the lattes to the eagerly awaiting Warblers.

"That's so much better. Ah." Cameron sighed between sips.

"Ow."

While the other boys took one from Thad, Wes made himself comfortable next to David nursing his own cup. Thad handed Blaine one and took the last for himself. All of the boys settled back in their previous spots.

"Ow!" Jeff shouted.

Blaine started and looked around to figure out where the noise came from. His eyes landed on the floor next to David's bed.

"What Jeff?"

Jeff picked himself up off of the floor and dusted himself off all the while glaring at Nicholi. He went over by Nick and stood there expectantly with his arms crossed. Nick rolled his eyes and scooted over.

Jeff snapped his fingers above his head. "Thad. Coffee!" He demanded petulently.

"Excuse you?"

"I needs my caffeine."

Thad smiled smugly. "I took the last one."

The utmost look of betrayal crossed Jeff's features. He sputtered, "What?"

Thad shrugged. Jeff jumped up and practically lunged at the now empty box. He grabbed it and turned it upside down above his head then began shaking it. Once sure that no latte would magically appear from its depths- of about 1-1 feet- he tossed it and gave it a kick for good measure.

"Wes!" The blonde whined.

Wes looked troubled. "I bought eleven. I'm sure of it."

Nick huffed and rolled his eyes, then stood up. "Who pinched Sterling's joe?"

Each boy looked at the people next to him. Nicholi actually started looking in random nearby crevices until Trent smacked him.

"Wait!" Wes said. "I bought eleven. I drank one in the car, then I took another one when I got here."

Nick clapped his hands. "Mystery solved." He announced, trying to sit back down. Jeff pinched his thigh causing him to yelp and jump away. Jeff then shot up.

"Nobody's moving until I get coffee!" He threatened. In his left hand he held the remote control above his head.

"How did he even get the remote?" David questioned.

"Jeff sit your ass down!" Nick said in exasperation. "Here, you can share mine!"

Nick held his cup up and wiggled it. Jeff eyed it suspiciously before plopping down and snatching it away. While he drank deeply he tossed the remote, hitting Wes in the face. David had to restrain the normally calm boy from charging.

"Serves you right for taking two." Jeff muttered.

"I've been up since four! I bought them!" Wes argued.

Thad reached over and picked the remote off of the floor. He motioned for someone to flick the light switch. Once the room was consumed in semi-darkness, and everyone caught that as the signal to settle down, he pressed the play button.

**SCHOOL PARKING LOT-**

**Will pulls into the school parking lot in his car. His license plate reads "glee." He exits the car and walks toward the school. Rachel approaches and walks alongside him.**

**"Mr. Schuester!" Calls Rachel.**

**"Yeah?"**

**"I went to the library and I got some sheet music, and I wanted to run some songs by you that feature me heavily on lead vocal." Rachel says.**

**"Thanks, Rach, but I already got one picked out."**

**Finn appears at Rachel's side, reaching out to wheel her schoolbag for her. Will falls behind.**

**"Let me help you with that." Finn offers.**

**"Thanks, Finn. You're so chivalrous." Rachel fawns.**

**Finn smiles unsurely. "Thanks. That's a good thing, right?"**

**Will moves to walk alongside Mercedes, Artie, and Tina.**

**"Morning, guys." Shue greets.**

**"Hey, Mr. Schue. We're just learning some runs." Says Mercedes.**

**"Oh, yeah?"**

**"So it goes-" Mercedes starts vocalizing.**

**Tina and Artie follow her lead.**

**"With the finger, huh?"**

**"Pretty fly for a white guy."**

**"Oh, thank you, thank you. Hey, don't be late for rehearsal this afternoon."**

**"Okay."**

**"All right." Will says.**

**Will separates from the three and continues walking toward the school. Puck, Kurt, and five male students in letterman jackets are standing in front of the dumpster. Puck has his arm around Kurt.**

"So everyone's lives are suddenly super awesome, in sync with one another, and everyone is best friends. Then there's Kurt, still getting tossed in the dumpster."

The guys shrugged.

"I don't get it." Ethan said.

"He was being-"

"No. I meant why doesn't Kurt just hide out until the jocks are cleared out. He might be late some days but he'd be safe. Or he could park somewhere else or something."

"First, this was written by someone for entertainment, which I'm choosing to ignore to answer. I sort of understand why he wouldn't hide or try to make a break for it. While getting tossed in dumpsters is super demeaning, running away is cowardly."

"Cowardly it may be, but self preservation should be an instinct. Besides he doesn't have his pride either way."

"Doesn't he? Rather than taking himself out of harms way, everyday he chooses to face his bullies and walk in with his head held high."

_I'm jealous of him for doing something I couldn't._

"Blaine you weren't just being thrown around or pushed into lockers. You didn't have a choice." Wes said knowingly.

Blaine smiled sadly. "Didn't I?"

"So he's martyr." Cameron, who didn't hear or ignored their exchange, said skeptically.

"Not really." Blaine thought a moment, looking for the right word. "Just admirable."

"Guys? It's a television show."

"We're just having fun. Like when we rented Resident Evil, you were screaming at my laptop."

"Okay, okay! We've had our moral discussion of the day, psycho-analyzed Blaine, and established that this is in fact a fictional program designed for your entertainment," Trent took a deep breath. "Can we play it?"

**"Morning, Kurt."**

**"Buenos nachos, Mr. Schue." Puck greets.**

**Kurt watches Will pass with apprehension.**

**Will chuckles. "Let's go Titans."**

**"Yeah." Puck waits until he's gone, before making to grab Kurt. "Come on."**

**"Wait." Kurt says loudly.**

**Kurt throws his bag into the arms of a jock.**

"It seems Finn's started some kind of tradition. Maybe they can change, just- veeery slowly."

**Kurt looks at the jocks distastefuly. "One day, you will all work for me."**

**Puck and another student lift Kurt and toss him into the dumpster.**

**SCHOOL HALLWAY-**

**Will walks down the hall and turns to address a student.**

**"Diana, thank you so much for that apple. It was very, very nice of you. All right?" Will chuckles.**

**Emma stands at the top of the stairs, looking at her watch before rounding the corner. She approaches Will as he walks toward her with his head down, and they collide.**

**"Oh!"**

**Emma gasps. "Oh, Will! Oh, gosh."**

**"Hey, Emma."**

**"Hi."**

**"Hey. I wanted to thank you so much for the advice you gave me the other day. I mean, teaching here and coaching Glee Club – It's where I belong."**

**"Oh, it's no problem. I mean, it's what I do. You know, I give counsel and give guidance. I'm a guidance counselor." Emma rambles.**

**"Yeah, you are."**

**"Oh, look. We match. Periwinkle." Emma pats Will's vest.**

**Will looks down. "Yeah."**

**Santana and Quinn appear at the top of the stairs and walk by. Santana rolls her eyes.**

**"Get a room." Santana says sardonically.**

**"Ms. Sylvester wants to see you in her office, Mr. Shue. She doesn't like to be kept waiting."**

"Who's the student and who's the teacher here?"

**"You got it."**

**Will chuckles nervously.**

**SUE OFFICE-**

**School bell rings. Will opens the door.**

**"Hey, Sue. You want to see me?"**

**"Hey, buddy. Come on in."**

"How many times have they said 'hey' already?"

"Six." Jeff's answered.

**Sue, dismounting the elliptical she had been using, wipes her face with a towel.**

**Sue groans. "I just blasted my hammies."**

**"Oh."**

**Sue laughs. "Iron tablet?"**

**Sue tosses a bottle of pills to Will**

**"Uh-"**

**"Keeps your strength up while you're menstruating."**

**"I don't menstruate."**

**"Yeah? Neither do I. So, I had a little chat with Principle Figgins and he said that if your group doesn't place at regionals, he's cutting the program. Ouch." Sue says sarcastically.**

"In that case: thank God Figgins isn't our principle." Ethan said.

The guys sighed heavily at the reminder that they didn't make it to regionals.

"Don't bring it up." Nicholi warned. "Its too soon."

**"You know, you don't have to worry about Glee Club. We're gonna be fine."**

**"Really? 'Cause I was at the local library, where I read Cheerleading Today aloud to blind geriatrics, and I came across this little page-turner."**

**Sue walks over to her desk and retrieves a book, displaying the cover to Will.**

**"Show Choir Rule Book. And it turns out, you need 12 kids to qualify for regionals. Last time I looked, you only had five and a half. Here."**

**Sue hands Will the book.**

**"Cripple in the wheelchair." She clarifies. "I also took the liberty of highlighting some special ed classes for you. Maybe you could find some recruits."**

"Now she's picking on special ed kids? That's low."

**Sue hands Will a slip of paper and picks up a pair of hand weights. She lifts them into the air repeatedly while continuing the conversation.**

**"'Cause I'm not sure there's anybody else who's gonna wanna swim over to your island of misfit toys."**

**"Are you threatening me, Sue?"**

**"Threatening you? Oh, no, no, no. Presenting you with an opportunity to compromise yourself? You betcha."**

**Sue sets the weights down.**

**"Let's break it down. You want to be creative. You want to be in the spotlight. Face it. You want to be me."**

**Will stifles a chuckle.**

**"So here's the deal. You do with your depressing little group of kids what I did with my wealthy, elderly mother. Euthanize it. It's time. And then I'll be happy to offer you a job as my second assistant on Cheerios. You can fetch me Gatorade and launder my soiled delicates. It'll be very rewarding work for you."**

**"You know what, Sue? I politely decline your offer. Glee Club is here to stay. I believe in my kids. I know you're used to be the cock of the walk around here."**

Jeff chuckled making Nick slap a hand to his forehead.

"What? It's a funny expression."

"Oh."

**"Offensive."**

**"But it looks like your Cheerios are gonna have some competition. We're gonna show at regionals. You have my word on that."**

**Will tosses the pills back to Sue and opens the door.**

**"Have a good day."**

**Will exits. Sue smiles to herself.**

**SCHOOL HALLWAY-**

**Bell rings. Quinn and Finn are having a conversation as Finn retrieves books from his locker. Rachel is at her own locker a few feet from them, facing away. She angles a small mirror in her hand to watch the exchange behind her.**

**"We are in line to be the most popular kids in the school over the next couple years."**

**"Yeah, I know."**

**Prom king and queen. Homecoming court royalty. I am not giving up those shiny crowns just so you can express yourself."**

**"Look, you're making too big a deal out of this."**

**Rachel closes her mirror and settles for listening intently.**

**"Okay. Let's compromise. If you quit the club, I'll let you touch my breast." Quinn proposition.**

**"Under the shirt?" Asks Finn.**

**"Over the bra." Quinn corrects.**

**Finn pauses, momentarily conflicted.**

"Wow."

"Hey, at least he has the shame to look conflicted."

**"No. No, I can't."**

**Quinn scoffs.**

**FINN: I want to do Glee. I'm really happy when I'm performing.**

**QUINN: People think you're gay now, Finn. And you know what that makes me? Your big gay beard.**

**FINN: Look. I- I gotta go to class. Okay? Just relax. Everything's gonna work out.**

**Finn closes his locker and exits.**

**Quinn turns to Rachel. "Eavesdrop much? Time for some girl talk, man hands. You can dance with him. You can sing with him. But you will never have him."**

**RACHEL: I understand why you'd be threatened. Finn and I have made a connection. But I'm an honorable person. I don't need to steal your man. I have plenty of suitors of my own. Every day Glee's status is going up, and yours is going down. Deal with it.**

**Rachel turns to walk away and two slushies are promptly thrown in her face. Puck and another jock, the culprits, high five each other as they walk away.**

**"Awesome." Puck cheers.**

**"Holla!"**

**Bell rings.**

**CHOIR ROOM-**

**The Glee Club is singing and dancing to "Le Freak" by Chic. Will critiques them as they perform.**

**"Energy, guys! It's disco. Good with the hands. John Travolta hands. All right. We're freaking out. Let's go. And up and out and down. Good. Good. Good. Good, guys."**

**Rachel kicks out her leg while dancing, coming uncomfortably close to Mercedes' face.**

**"Whoa, whoa! Hell to the nah!" Mercedes yells.**

**Brad, the piano guy, stops playing wearily.**

"Poor piano man."

**"First of all, you try to bust my face again, and I will cut you!" Mercedes turns to Shue. "And, also, this song is terrible."**

**WILL: No, no, no. It's not the song. You guys just need to get into it.**

**"No, it's the song. It's really gay." Kurt comments.**

"Warbler Blaine, do you concur?"

Blaine shifted uncomfortably. He and Nick's eyes met before they quickly looked away and Blaine mumbled something unintelligible.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I kindareallylikedisco."

Nick took a deep breath. "I happen to love disco."

This confession gave Blaine a little more confidence.

"We've actually been to that disco club down the road twice now." He said in a small voice.

"It was a lot of fun."

**"We need modern music, Mr. Schue." Artie says.**

**"I'm sorry, guys. We don't have time to discuss this. We're doing this song this Friday at the pep assembly." Will .says finally**

**"In front of the whole school?" Tina asks incredulously.**

**"Exactly!" Will says mistaking her outburst for excitement..**

**KURT: They're gonna throw food at us. And I just had a facial.**

**RACHEL: I'll press charges if that happens.**

**WILL: Guys. I can't express to you how important this assembly is.**

**Finn appears terrified. Rachel looks at him with concern. The rest of the club are visibly upset.**

**WILL: We need recruits. There are six of you. We need twelve to qualify for regionals. We have no choice or the club is over. I know you guys don't like this song, but we took nationals back in '93 with "Freak Out." It's a crowd-pleaser. Trust me. From the top.**

**FINN: I'm dead.**

**Rachel continues to look concerned as the rest of the club move away.**

**PROSPECTIVE HOME-**

**Will and Terri are seated in the living room of a house they would like to buy. A realtor stands before them with a small-scale model of the house.**

**WILL: father always said you become a man when you buy your first house. I'm not sure what he meant by that since he burned ours down once after a drunken fight with Mom.**

**REALTOR: Welcome to your little slice of the American dream.**

**TERRI: I have a question about the trees. It's always been my personal dream to cut down my own Christmas tree. How many Christmas trees will we have in the backyard? And do they come in different colors? Because, well, obviously we're expecting a family. And I have a real sense it might be a girl.**

**As Terri chatters on, Will becomes more uneasy.**

**WILL: Still, I can't believe we're actually doing this. It all happened so fast.**

**FLASHBACK TO:**

**WILL'S APARTMENT, DINING ROOM-**

**Will and Terri are seated at the table with Terri's sister, Kendra, and her husband. Kendra's three sons are running around the table, screaming continuously and causing damage.**

**WILL: It all started when Terri's sister Kendra brought her kids over for Sunday brunch.**

**KENDRA: (To TERRI) Well, I just don't understand where you're planning on putting the nursery.**

**TERRI: I know.**

**WILL: Well, we have a second bedroom.**

**KENDRA: You are not giving up your craft room, Terri. A mother needs her respite. That craft room is the only thing that's gonna keep you from going all Susan Smith on that little angel. (To WILL) Postpartum runs in our family.**

**Kendra's husband rises from his seat.**

**KENDRA: Where are you going?**

**HUSBAND: (hesitantly) Bathroom. All that bran.**

**KENDRA: No, you can't. Kyle needs his inhaler.**

**Husband sits down, looking dejected. Will lets out a scream over the noise and ends it with a laugh. He is overwhelmed by the screaming boys.**

**KENDRA: Anyway, this conversation is over. They're starting construction on a new section of our subdivision.**

**Terri gasps.**

**KENDRA: You are not bringing my niece or nephew home to this apartment. When pigs fly.**

**"Can I eat this?" Kendra's husband asks her.**

**Will lets his fork drop to his plate in frustration. The screaming persists.**

**PROSPECTIVE HOME–**

**The Realtor leads Terri and Will through the house.**

**REALTOR: This banister was made by Ecuadorean children.**

**Terri gasps in excitement.**

**WILL: It's great, Terri, but there are nine foreclosures on our street. Why can't we buy one of those? They're half the price.**

**TERRI: I'm not raising my baby in a used house. They're not clean.**

"My parents are loaded and they bought a used house where I was raised."

**They enter the kitchen and Terri gasps.**

**"Look at the sun nook. Isn't it beautiful?" Terri gushes.**

**"Is it extra?" Asks Will.**

**REALTOR: Mm. The price in the brochure is for the basic model. Everything else is à la carte. The grand foyer is an extra 14,000, and the sun nook is an extra 24.**

**Will sighs at the price.**

**REALTOR: I'll let you two talk.**

**TERRI: Thank you.**

**WILL: Thank you. Hmm. We can't afford this.**

**TERRI: We already did the math, Will. All we have to do is give up Applebee's and we won't run the A.C. for the first couple of summers.**

**WILL: Well, we certainly can't afford the grand foyer and the sun nook. I mean, if we bite off more than we can chew, we'll lose everything. You need to pick one.**

**Terri chuckles. "Come with me. I'm gonna show you something really special."**

**PROSPECTIVE HOME, BEDROOM-**

**Will and Terri are standing in the doorway of a bedroom decorated for a little girl.**

**"This is where our daughter or gay son will sleep." Terri says.**

"Hey now you can't say she's homophobic! That's something."

Blaine stared at him doubtfuly. "Doesn't change the fact that she's bat-snap psycho."

**"I thought maybe we could put one of those mini pianos in here and you two could put on shows for me.**

**WILL: I love it, Terri, but we still can't afford everything.**

**Terri sighs.**

**TERRI: (To herself) It's my very own Sophie's choice. (To WILL) Fine. I'm gonna give up the sun nook for the grand foyer. But I really need the polished door handles.**

**Will sighs and looks away.**

**"Think of our family, Will. This is our dream."**

**WILL: I knew in that moment that I would do whatever it took, even if it meant getting a part-time job to make some extra money to make that dream come true.**

**"Let's go sign those papers." Will says to Terri.**

**Will places a kiss on Terri's forehead and exits.**

**"Yes!" Terri whispers.**

**CHOIR ROOM-**

**Kurt and Mercedes are talking swiftly to themselves. Rachel is sitting behind Finn in the stands, looking at him with longing.**

**"You need to call me before you dress yourself." Kurt tells Mercedes.**

**"Whatever. Whatever"**

**"You look like a Technicolor zebra." Kurt insists.**

**"You're a hater. That's what you are."**

**"I look like I'm a part of it." Says Kurt in disgust.**

**"You're trying to copy me." Mercedes argues.**

**"It looks like I planned it."**

**"You know what, if your hair was longer, you'd have curls."**

"Umm, what just happened?" Asked Flint.

"I believe diva and gay have found Zen. A beautiful friendship has just formed." Jeff answered dreamily.

**Will enters. Tina and Artie appear on screen.**

**"All right, guys. How about a little Kanye?"**

"Ooh, Mr. Shue in his Kanye vest challenged Mercedes to a Kanye test. She better perform her Kanye best, so that they can be Kanye impressed. Afterwards, she'll need a Kanye rest in her Kanye nest, Kanye lest she breathes properly through her Kanye chest. If they sing Kanye West well at assembly then all of the jocks that called them dumb will be a Kanye jest.

"Are you almost done?" Cameron snapped in exasperation.

Jeff pursed his lips and held up a finger for them to wait a moment. Cameron's eyes bugged out and he made to lunge at him. David was faster and grabbed Cameron around the waist.

"I'ma let you finish." David nodded at Jeff

Jeff nodded at him gratefully, to which David returned a peace out gesture. 'I gotchoo' he mouthed.

"But if the school can't Kanye digest their artistic genious, they'll be Kanye depressed. 'Cause they can't go to their Kanye contest." Jeff waved his arms insanely. "Oooooooh!"

"I'm Kanye impressed."

**Will begins to hand out sheet music. Several students gasp in excitement.**

**"For the assembly?" Mercedes asks hopefully.**

"Oooo."

_I wonder where Kurt got his shoes._

"What?" Thad paused.

_I really want those shoes._

"Nothing!" Blaine swiftly replied.

_They're really cute._

"Whatever."

**"No. We won't be ready in time. We're still doing disco. But we can fold this into our repertoire and it'll be awesome at sectionals. Communication is the foundation of any successful music group. If we're gonna succeed, we need to communicate. You guys said you wanted modern music, I listened." Shue passes out the sheet music.**

Trent actually guffawed. "The judges won't vote for a group singing a song that is more or less completely bleeped out."

"Honestly." Richard agreed.

Flint, Ethan, and Nick laughed at the absurdity of it all along with them.

"No." Thad spoke up, much to everyone's suprise. "Year after year we give them the same old classic- and by classic I mean _classic_as in Big Rock Candy Mountain classic- rock songs. Along with the same stool choir routine. They know what they're going to get so they probably don't even pay any attention."

"They don't." Blaine said sadly. "At sectionals the beauty queen judge saw our uniforms and started filing her nails. The other two judges were too busy oggling her."

"Exactly! So we need something that will hold attention and make the judges look!"

"If you're gonna eat mat, eat at hard." Jeff added.

Blaine turned to the blonde. "Did you just quote _Stick It_?"

"Yes I did." Jeff grinned proudly. "Nicky and I watched it last week," He stopped at the rooms' shocked faces.

"It's a good movie." Richard said.

Ethan groaned. "Not you too. Isn't that a chick-flick?"

"No, it's actually really funny. We should all watch it together sometime."

Cameron abruptly stood up. "This is ridiculous. Back to the topic, if we performed that the judges would lose interest before shout the last profanity."

"Have you seen the judges?" Nick retorted sardonically. "When they pick them it's like the Hunger Games. No one wants to judge a show choir competition in Ohio."

"The Four Seasons isn't going to cut it anymore. Cameron do you want to sing Big Girls Don't Cry again? Do you?" Questioned Jeff, hysterically grabbing Cameron by the collar.

Cameron looked uncomfortable, and not from being manhandled. "It's a good song-"

"But?" Jeff prompted.

"It isn't going to win us a title. At least not from those judges." He answered grudgingly.

Jeff released him.

"The Warblers do need more modern music, as opposed to doing the same Broadway classics and typical stool choir songs that we've done consecutively. We need to take more risks.

"Whoa." Flint smirked. "Wes Montgomery wants us to be risque!"

Wes smiled indulgently at his fellow member's teasing. He may seem like a stick in the mud guy, but damnit! He wanted that nationals title he was being denies by playing it safe with the current council.

"I know we have a lot of talent going unacknowledged." Wes paused. "I am also very keen on the idea of adding actual choreography to our group." He added as an afterthought.

This definitely caught the boy's attention. Many of them had been put through many a ballet, tap, ballroom, and every other kind of dance lesson as children. These were wasted on awkward side to side shuffling with the occasional world famous Warbler turn. Blaine personally had always felt the urge to test out those Dalton sofas, but didn't dare place any thing other than his back end touch the expensive leather after what happened to Jeff and Nicholi. Before the seniors arrived for practice the underclassmen had did a small impromptu performance of Love Shack, and when Jeff and Nicholi started banging on the tables during one part the council walked in and saw them. Needless to say they were thoroughly chastised and forced to pay for damages. There weren't any.

"Can we play now?" Thad asked.

All of the little side conversations broke up and everyone nodded. Blaine sat back down next to Nick, along with Cameron who took a new seat by Richard.

"You would sound really good singing that song by the way." Blaine told Nick. "You should have gotten the solo."

**ARTIE: Mr. Schue, we'd really like to not do disco at the assembly.**

**WILL: Finn, you're gonna take the solo.**

**Rachel smiles at Finn. Finn looks at Will fearfully.**

**FINN: What? No, I- I can't do the solo, Mr. Schue. I'm still learning how to walk and sing at the same time.**

**Kurt and Mercedes' snicker.**

"We're fairly competent and we couldn't do it."

From five feet away Blaine could smell the indignance fuming off of Wes.

"Fairly competent! The Warblers have their own copyrighted turns-"

David cut him off. "Seriously though, guy needs dance lessons... many dance lessons."

**"No problem. I'll walk you through it." Will says.**

**"Ooh!"**

**MERCEDES: Challenge.**

**WILL: Hey, Mercedes. You know this?**

**MERCEDES: Oh, I got this.**

**Mercedes sings the opening lines to "Gold Digger" by Kanye West. The rest of the glee club, dancing in place, joins in, and Will takes the lead.**

"It's too bad the only boy in glee that has rhythm is the kid in the wheelchair."

"Its sad to the point of being endearing how white Kurt is. Just look at him!"

**PROSPECTIVE HOME, BEDROOM-**

**The glee club continues to sing in the background. Terri, Kendra, and Kendra's family are present. Terri and Kendra discussing their interior design plans.**

**CHOIR ROOM–**

**The glee club continues to sing, with Will dancing around them. Will initiates some simple choreography and the students mimic him. The musical number comes to an end, and everyone laughs.**

"Those aren't the _patented Warbler turns_," Trent said sarcastically. "But Mr. Shue has got some pretty nice moves."

**"All right, just like that. Ready?"**

**LADIES ROOM–**

**Emma steps out of a stall, gingerly holding her hands in the air as she approaches the sinks. Someone can be heard coughing and retching, so Emma goes to investigate. She opens the stall to find Rachel on her knees, hunched over the toilet.**

**"Rachel, did you just throw up?" Emma asks.**

**"No."**

**EMMA: You missed the toilet.**

**RACHEL: The girl who was throwing up before me left that. I tried, but I guess I just don't have a gag reflex.**

**EMMA: One day when you're older, that'll turn out to be a gift. Let's have a little chat, okay?**

"Ummm, did she mean what I think she meant?"

"When she's older? Do old people still do that?"

"Do you really want an answer?"

...

"Didn't think so."

**GUIDANCE OFFICE–**

**Pans over a series of irregular pamphlets.**

"My mom's bipolar and she won't stop yelling." Richard read aloud. "I could use that one."

"Only cause you keep pissing her off." Cameron snorted. "No, you need I can't stop touching myself."

Everyone sniggered.

"Duh, he's kind of attached to himself." Jeff shot back. "It's like, you know, when you paint your nails, it's almost impossible to not mess them up because you keep touching yourself."

"Er, no. I don't know what that's like. Have you ever heard of an innuendo Jeff?"

Somebody coughed what sounded like, "cross dresser".

"I'll have you know I have a little sister!" Jeff shouted.

Everyone nodded at Jeff, obviously not believing him. Jeff shrunk into his the floor and glared at it.

Nick huffed. "Okay, show of hands whose had their nails painted. Be honest." He said attempting to diffuse Jeff's oncoming hissy-fit.

A few guys around the room hesitantly raised their arms.

"Then why were you hatin' on me? Cameron."

Cameron raised his arms in defense. "It was for a concert!"

"Like that makes it any less gay." Flint scoffed, only eyeing Blaine a little.

In the past every time anyone made a gay joke or said 'queer' or 'fag' (in its proper usage), everyone would quickly look at Blaine. According to Nick they were scared to death that they might loss him off or upset him, so they tried to hold it in. Now they were all a little more comfortable with one another.

**Emma hands Rachel a pamphlet titled "So You Like Throwing Up: Understanding and Overcoming Bulimia." Emma peers out into the corridor and waves to Will.**

**Emma clears her throat. "Rachel, bulimia is a very messy, serious disease."**

**"I don't have bulimia. I tried it and failed and won't ever attempt it again."**

**"Okay."**

**"It grossed me out."**

**"Okay. But I still want to talk about the feelings that you had that led up to you wanting to puke your guts out." Emma prompts.**

**"I want to be thinner. Prettier, like that Quinn girl."**

"Do girls really do that just for attention?"

Blaine nodded. "Some guys do it too."

**"Mm-hm. And, um, why is that?"**

**"Have you ever liked someone so much you just wanna lock yourself in your room, turn on sad music and cry?" Rachel asks.**

**"No."**

**Emma's eyes flicker to Will in the hallway.**

**EMMA'S CAR-**

**Emma sits in her car, crying. It is raining heavily outside. "All By Myself" by Eric Carmen plays on the radio, and Emma sings along.**

**"By myself. I'm by myself." Emma cries.**

**GUIDANCE OFFICE-**

**"Uh, but a boy crush, huh? I know about that. I mean, not now. It takes me back in the- Like a long time ago, I knew about that. You know what?" Mrs. Pillsbury tries switching courses. "You need to remember, Rachel, to protect your heart. I don't care who he is. If he doesn't like you for the way you are, if he's- You know, he's married with a baby on the way- That's not worth the heartache. You don't want to compromise yourself for that. Um- (clears throat) Have you just tried telling him how you feel?**

**"He doesn't even notice me." Rachel says dejectedly.**

**"I see. Um- okay. Well, here's what I think. Common interests are the key to romance. All right? So find out what he likes. Then he'll see you in a positive way and maybe you'll end up doing something that you never would have expected." Mrs. Pillsbury advises.**

**Rachel nods and smiles hopefully.**

"This is going to end badly."

**FIGGINS' OFFICE–**

**Rachel and Finn are sitting in front of Figgins' desk. Sue and Will stand on opposite sides of the room.**

**"Would you like to tell Principal Figgins and Mr. Schuester what I caught you two doing?" Sue asks.**

"I didn't think Finn was the cheating type." Commented Richard.

"I still don't. Look at Mr. Shuester's face, they weren't doing _that_." Said David.

Trent eyed Rachel. "Look at that sweater. Nobody's been _doing_ that." He said.

Blaine had to nod in agreement.

**"It just sort of happened." Says Finn.**

**"I don't mean to be rude, but I think she's overreacting." Says Rachel.**

**"You watch your tone, young lady." Sue says to Figgins. "Gay parents encourage rebellion. There are studies on this."**

"Where is she getting her information?"

**"Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." Shue turns to Rachel. "All right, tell me what happened, Rachel."**

**"Finn was worried about having to perform a solo at the pep assembly in front of his chromosomally challenge friends. I was immediately concerned by his lack of self-esteem and made a creative preemptive strike." Says Rachel.**

**"Yeah, pretty much what she said." Finn says.**

**ART ROOM–**

**Rachel and Finn are sitting at the table, working on a flyer.**

"Those paintings look like they were done by a blind four year old."

"I think the one in the back is an example of expressive art."

"Oh, you mean that garbage where paint is splattered everywhere and colors equal emotions."

"I think it's beautiful."

"It's stupid."

"I paint expressively." Richard said, his broad figure looming over Cameron.

Some of the guys cringed in sympathy, others looks on in hopes of witnessing a fight. Cameron didn't even bat an eyelash.

"Down Bessie." He waved his hand lazily.

Richard stared at him for a full minute, then rolled his eyes and sat back down chuckling.

**"You know, one of the amazing things about being in the performing arts is that you can parlay it into so many different fields. Like Justin Timberlake- He's a singer, but he also has a clothing line. And, you know, he makes things like shirts and belts." Rachel lists.**

**"Who's Justin Timberlake?" Finn asks.**

"Even Finn should know who Justin Timberlake is. He's an icon."

**Poster: Guess who started in glee club! Your road to stardom begins here.**

"Because Robin Thicke is _such_ an admirable example." Trent joked.

Blaine chuckled at Nick. A reference to his secret playlist devoted to that artist.

"Oh my God Blaine! Let it go!"

"Why did they have to point him out?"

"Maybe this was right after he cut his hair."

Blaine glanced back at the screen. "And that's a _really_ unflattering picture of Kelly Clarkson."

**RACHEL: It was a twofold plan.**

**COPY ROOM–**

**Rachel and Finn are making copies of their flyer.**

_**RACHEL: We figured that with the right marketing strategy, we could pull from the entire student body without having an assembly, thus creating the diverse Glee Club this school has been craving.**_

**Sue steps into the room. When she realizes what they are doing, she drops her protein shake on the floor.**

**FIGGINS' OFFICE-**

**Sue begins, "That copy machine is for Cheerios use only. Paid for by alumni donations."**

"It's like two cents to print a page off. Judging by that stack- three dollars. Maybe."

**"-I can't begin to fathom the damage you'd have done to the program had you broken it."**

**"Hold on a second, Sue." Shue says.**

**"I resent being told to hold on to anything, William. I will not be treated like a second-class citizen because of my gender. There is a very clear bureaucracy when it comes to photocopies, and you seem to think that these procedures don't apply to your students." She turns to Figgins. "It is my strong recommendation that both these students be hobbled."**

**"How many copies did you guys make?" Shue asks Finn and Rachel.**

**"Seventeen." Sue says.**

**"Okay. And how much does a photocopy cost?" Asks Shue.**

**"Four and a half cents." Says Figgins.**

"So that's-"

"On my God! It doesn't matter!" David snapped. He reached over to where Jeff was holding the remote and snatched it, then dropped it in back in Thad's lap. "Just play it."

Jeff looked horrified.

"No need to get snippy David."

David adopted a bug-eyed expression and his fingers twitched.

**"How about they just pay for the copies?" Shue suggests.**

**"I like this compromise. Children, pay Ms. Sylvester, and we'll let you off with a warning. And Sue, I'm sorry, but I'll have to ask you to personally clean the congealed protein shake off the photocopy room floor"**

**"That's why we have janitors." Argues Sue.**

**"Sue, we're in a recession, and concessions must be made. I've laid off half the janitorial staff. We all need to lend a hand."**

**Rachel, Finn and Will nod.**

**"Lady Justice wept today."**

**Sue extends her hand to Finn and Rachel in expectation of payment.**

**SCHOOL HALLWAY–**

**"I'm sorry about that Mr. Schue." Finn apologizes.**

**"I'd like to get the flyers up before lunch tomorrow."**

**"You know what, guys? I don't want to hear it."**

**"Doing that song is gonna kill any chance the Glee Club has. It's a terrible idea." Says Rachel.**

**"I have news for you, Rachel. Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do. We're doing the assembly and you're not putting up those flyers. Everybody loves disco!"**

**Will exits down the hall.**

**"It's official. I'm a dead man."**

**"Look, I know you're nervous, but you're really, really talented." Rachel says honestly.**

**"Stop it." Finn says bashfully.**

**"I mean, maybe it'll all be okay. Do you want to practice for the assembly tomorrow after school."**

**"I can't. I got a Celibacy Club meeting."**

"Finn in celibacy club? That's a joke."

**Finn walks away, and Rachel watches him leave.**

**WILL'S APARTMENT, BATHROOM–**

**Will and Terri are sitting together in the bathtub, Terri back pressed to Will's chest.**

**"Baby, I have some bad news."**

**"A wealthy relative died?" Terri asks hopefully.**

**"I don't have any wealthy relatives."**

**"Oh."**

**WILL: I've just been pounding the pavement all week after Glee rehearsal. I- I can't find any extra work. That probably means no grand foyer.**

**TERRI: Why can't we ever be the ones to catch a break?**

**WILL: No, no, no. It's gonna be okay, baby. I mean, we don't need a grand foyer to be happy.**

**TERRI: No. You know what? I'm so tired of the compromising. I want my grand foyer. I want my dream house. I work hard. I sacrifice. I deserve it.**

**Terri steps out of the tub and begins pulling on her robe.**

**TERRI: You know, we give and we give. Do you think that the big shots at Sheets N' Things care that I sell more personal massagers than any other assistant manager? No. Or do you think that those kids- that they give a damn that we go with so little because you spend all your spare time choreographing those stupid dance routines? I mean, when does anyone start giving back?**

**Terri exits. Will sighs and sinks down under the water.**

**COPY ROOM–**

**Figgins is kneeling on the floor, scraping off congealed protein shake. Will enters.**

**WILL: I thought you asked Sue to clean up after herself.**

**FIGGINS: Sue got a note from the school nurse claiming that her lupus made it impossible to bend over a bucket of suds. I've been here till 10:00 pm every night up to my elbows in Vamoose!**

**WILL: Any problem with me taking over one of those nighttime janitorial slots?**

**Figgins sighs and shakes his head.**

**"I'll work at half salary." Will offers.**

**Figgins looks up and smiles.**

**CLASSROOM 1–**

**Quinn and a group of other Cheerios are sitting at a long table on one side of the room. Rachel is sitting alone opposite them. Quinn strikes a gavel against a sound board three times.**

**QUINN: The Celibacy Club is now in session. Thanks to a school rule that says we have to let anyone join the club, we're welcoming a new member this week- Rachel What's-her-name.**

**"Where are all the boys?" Asks Rachel.**

**"Down the hall. First half hour we separate, then we come together to share our faith."**

**CLASSROOM 2–**

**A group of football players and other boys are spread around the room. Finn is sitting on a desk, tossing a football into the air.**

_**FINN: I'm still on the fence about the Celibacy Club. I mean, I only joined to get into Quinn Fabray's pants. Still, it is a productive way for us guys to get together and talk about sexual issues.**_

**"I think I'm gonna kill myself. I'm serious. We're bombarded with sexual imagery every day- Beer ads, those short skirts. I'm supposed to be surrounded by temptation- Not be able to do anything about it?" Says Jacob.**

**"Are you kidding? Those skirts are crunchy toast. Santana Lopez bent over in hers the other day, and I swear I could see her ovaries." Says Puck.**

"Ew."

**CLASSROOM 1–**

**Santana twirls around at the center of the room, her Cheerios skirt flaring up to show her spanks.**

**QUINN: God bless the perv that invented these. Remember the power motto, girls.**

**"It's all about the teasing, and not about the pleasing. Oh!" The Cheerios answer in unison.**

**The Cheerios begin to dance in place.**

**"Back it up like a dump truck, baby!"**

"Umm, alright."

**Rachel appears annoyed by their behavior.**

**CLASSROOM 2-**

**"So, how far does Quinn let you get anyway?" A jock asks Finn.**

**"We grind, make out." Finn answers.**

**"But how do you keep from arriving early? Whenever I grind- Cinco de Mayo."**

"Excuse me, but I really don't want to here about this boy's masturbation issues."

"He could have a girlfriend." Blaine said skeptically.

**"It's not a problem for me, man." Finn chuckles.**

**Finn and Puck high five.**

_**FINN: Actually, it's a big problem. Somebody once told me that to keep from erupting too early, you should think of dead kittens and stuff. But the only image that works for me happened the day my mom took me out to practice for my driver's permit.**_

**CAR–**

**Finn is driving with his mother, Carole, in the passenger seat.**

**CAROLE: Pretty good, honey. Who says a father figure's necessary, huh?**

**"Driving's fun." Finn says.**

**CAROLE: Yeah.**

**The car slams into a mailman, whose body rolls onto the hood of the car and into the windshield.**

**"Oh, my God! Oh, my! Oh, my! Oh, my God, you killed him. What are you gonna do?" Carole screams.**

"Wow, awesome parenting skills."

"Well if it were you, you'd probably already be draggng your own kid into a prison cell."

"I'm not that mean, I'd at least get them a decent lawyer first."

"If that happened to me I'd be all, 'where do we hide the body?'"

The guys sitting near Jeff, with the exception of Nick, scooted away with wide eyed expressions.

**CLASSROOM 1–**

**All Celibacy Club members have moved into the same room. They are paired off, one boy and one girl, with a balloon for each pair.**

**"Let's pair up for the "Immaculate Affection." Now, remember. If the balloon pops, the noise makes the angels cry." Quinn says.**

**Quinn steps over to Finn, smiling and placing the balloon between their pelvises. Rachel glances at Finn and reluctantly moves closer to Jacob, who scoots over excitedly and places his arms on her shoulders.**

**"You enchant me." Jaocb says creepily to Rachel.**

**"Yeah!"**

**Puck grinds into the balloon between him and Santana, who struggles to pull away.**

**"Stop it!"**

**"Take it. Ah, yeah!"**

**The balloon between Finn and Quinn pops.**

**"Finn!" Quinn yells.**

**"It must have hit my zipper." Finn defends.**

**Rachel breaks away from Jacob and addresses the room.**

**"You know what? This is a joke. Did you know that most studies have demonstrated that celibacy doesn't work in high schools?"**

"Well it most certainly does in ours." Piped up Trent.

"Trent this is an all boys school." Nick pointed out.

"Of course it does."

_Not neccesarily._ Thought Blaine.

"That's why I said it. Probably the only celebate school in Ohio and it only has type of menu."

"Trent that sounded kind of gay." Snickered Richard.

"Also," Said Jeff. "Maintaining Trent's weird ass analogy, there's some canabals here that still order from that menu."

Nick's eyes widened. "I think Jeff is trying to say that even Dalton isn't totally innocent."

"Then why didn't Slim Shady just _say_ that?" David said, giving Jeff a weird look.

"Cause Homy don't play that!"

Blaine looked between Jeff and everyone, then threw a blanket over the former and shoved him away.

**"Our hormones are driving us too crazy to abstain. The second we start telling ourselves that there's no room for compromise, we act out. The only way to deal with teen sexuality is to be prepared. That's what contraception is for."**

**"Don't you dare mention the "C" word."**

"That's what most people say about 'Celebacy'" Said Nick.

**RACHEL: You want to know a dirty little secret that none of them want you to know? Girls want sex just as much as guys do.**

**"I- Is that accurate?" Asks Jacob.**

Most of the boys looked shocked.

"That _completely_ changes the ball game." Thad said, suggestively raising his eyebrows.

Nicholi slapped him on the back of the head. "No it doesn't. We're all still hopelessly single, except David,"

David smiled smugly.

Blaine discreetly looked at Wes.

Wes, for whatever reason, was secretly dating a girl from Dalton's sister school Crawford County Day. Blaine only knew about it because he happened across the two kissing behind a tree while taking an early morning walk. He didn't even know the girl's name but he promised to not say anything.

Said boy caught Blaine's look and tinged pink.

"Besides if we were to get dates, we'd be so whipped the local bistro would use us to make cakes."

"Well thank you for that impassioned speech Nicholas," Cameron drawled. "Speak for yourself, I would never let a girl turn me into a senseless, goo-goo eyed puddle thanks."

"Forever alone!" Jeff whispered loudly.

**EMPTY CLASSROOM–**

**Will, dressed in his janitor uniform, is scraping gum from the bottom of a desk. Emma enters.**

**"Will?" Asks Emma.**

**Will turns in surprise and bumps his head against the desk.**

**"Aaah! Emma- What are you doing here so late?"**

**"I do S.A.T. prep on Tuesday nights. Are you, um- Are you a janitor?"**

**"A jan- no."**

**"Really? 'Cause you're dressed like a janitor, and your shirt says "Will."**

**"Um, Terri and I are trying to buy a house and we're, you know, struggling to make ends meet, and-" Will sighs. "I'm really embarrassed. Would you mind keeping this between us?"**

"That's really sad."

**"Yeah. Oh, yeah, your secret's completely safe with me."**

**"Thank you."**

**"Do you, um- Do you want a hand?" Asks Emma.**

**"Oh- No. I-I'm good, really."**

**"Really? Because I can see from here that you've used window cleaner to mop the floor. And, uh, that keyboard is crawling in E. coli because I know for a fact Ms. Hoffmeyer doesn't wash her hands after doing number twos."**

"That is disgusting!"

**EMPTY CLASSROOM–**

**Emma is scrubbing the pencil sharpener while Will dusts a hanging solar system.**

**EMMA: I really admire you working so hard for something you want.**

**WILL: Let's make a deal. You're helping me with my problem. How bout I take a stab at one of yours?**

**EMMA: Oh, no, I don't- I don't have a problem.**

**WILL: You've been scrubbing that pencil sharpener for an hour.**

**EMMA: Well, I mean, I have- I have a little trouble with messes, but it's not like it's a problem.**

**Will sits down on a desk and smiles at Emma knowingly.**

**EMMA: Okay. When I was a little girl, it was my dream to work on a dairy farm.**

**WILL: Really?**

**EMMA: Yeah. And when I was eight, we finally visited one and after the tour and the yoghurt tasting my- my brother pushed me into the runoff lagoon.**

**WILL: What?**

**EMMA: And, um, ever since then, I've just- I've had a little trouble forgetting the, uh- the smell.**

**WILL: Have you thought about- I don't know- maybe seeing someone about that?**

**EMMA: Oh, no. It's completely manageable. You know, I just- I take lots of showers and I, um- You know, I don't eat dairy. So it's-**

**WILL: I want to try a little experiment.**

**Will gets up and walks over to the chalkboard, collecting some chalk dust from the ledge with the tip of his finger.**

**EMMA: Oh, no. No, I'm not really, um, comfortable with- with that.**

**Will touches his finger to Emma's nose, leaving behind a smudge of dust. They stare into each others eyes. After a moment, Will removes the dust with the back of his forearm.**

**WILL: There. Ten seconds.**

**EMMA: New record. It's late. I should, um- I should be, um, going.**

**Emma walks past him towards the door. Ken watches the exchange through the window of the classroom.**

**"Jees! He's like the grudge!"**

**GYMNASIUM–**

**Rachel stands before the glee club, who are gathered in the stands. She taps her gavel to a sound board.**

**RACHEL: I officially call this meeting of Glee Club in session.**

**ARTIE: But Mr. Schuester isn't here.**

**RACHEL: Mr. Schuester isn't coming. I paid a freshman to ask him for help with irregular verbs.**

**MERCEDES: Ugh! I'm so sick of hearing you squawk, Eva Perón.**

**FINN: Let her talk.**

**Finn nods at Rachel in encouragement.**

**RACHEL: I have another idea for the assembly.**

**ARTIE: Can I, once again, stress my most strenuous objections to this attempted suicide?**

**RACHEL: They're not gonna kill us. Because we're gonna give them what they want.**

**KURT: Blood?**

"I'm starting to really like Kurt."

**"Better. Sex." Rachel says.**

"Yeeeu! What are they going to impregnate her on stage or something."

**GYMNASIUM-**

**The entire student body is sitting in the stands. Figgins is standing at a microphone in front of the stage. Will is sitting in a chair to his side.**

**"Silence, children. Silence. First, an announcement. The toilets are broken again. We are fixing the problem. But let me warn you. There will be zero tolerance for anyone soiling school grounds. We're not going to have a repeat of the last time. We have a treat for you guys today. Mr. Schuester.**

**"Yay, Glee! Glee kids, hooray!" Emma claps.**

**Will steps up to the microphone.**

"I can't watch this!" Nicholi said diving behind his hands.

"Uh, hi. Uh, when I went to school here, Glee Club ruled this place. And we're on our way back. But we need some recruits to join the party. Now, I can tell you all about how great Glee is, but, uh, I think I'm gonna let some friends of mine show you instead." Will says.

"Really Mr. Shue, that's so corny."

**Will sits down in the stands. The Glee Club begins their performance of "Push It" by Salt 'n' Pepa. Their choreography is lewd and suggestive. Will, Sue, and Quinn are horrified, but Figgins and Emma appear to be enjoying themselves.**

**Get up on this!**  
**Get up on this!**

"That moment of realization." Flint commented, not noticing the similar shocked expressions on everyone else's faces.

Nick and Blaine exchanged glances, neither able to speak.

**Ah, push it**  
**Ah, push it**

**Oooh, baby, baby**  
**Baby, baby**  
**Oooh, baby, baby**  
**Baby, baby**

**Get up on this!**

"This is certainly unexpected." Blaine said, finally finding his voice.

Nick nodded mutely, somewhat traumatized. Jeff on the other hand continued to laugh, enjoying the performance so much that he was actually dancing and singing along

**Ow! Baby!**  
**Salt and Pepa's here!**

**Kurt and Finn run their hands down their body's in a provocative manor.**

**When Blaine saw Kurt and Finn dancing he was torn between the urge to let his jaw drop at Kurt's moves and burst into laughter at Finn. Then he looked at Jeff, who was copying their moves, and lost it. Nick too stared at the blonde with an identifiable expression.**

**ARTIE:**

**Now wait a minute, y'all**  
**This dance ain't for everybody**  
**Only the sexy people**

"I love Artie so much!"

**So all you fly mothers, get on out there and dance**  
**Dance, I said!**

**RACHEL:**

**Salt and Pepa's here, and we're in effect**  
**Want you to push it, babe**  
**Coolin' by day then at night working up a sweat**  
**C'mon girls, let's go show the guys that we know**  
**How to become number one in a hot party show**  
**Now push it**

**Ah, push it - push it good**

**Ah, push it - push it real good**

**The camera pans out to Miss Pillsbury seemingly enjoying the performance dancing and singing along.**

"Miss Pillsbury!" Thad face palmed.

**Back at the stage the glee kids pair up and thrust rhythmically with one another.**

That was the point Thad was forced to pause. Jeff had sidled up to him and was attempting to grind with him, much to his utter horror.

"Jesus!"

"My Lord and Savior!" Someone shouted.

"Would you quit with the inappropriate moves!"

Jeff pouted and returned to his seat.

"Finn and Rachel look so awkward together. They need a tall girl for him to dance with." Wes commented, staring at where Thad paused on Rachel with her arms trying to hold Finn's massive form.

**Ah, push it - push it good**  
**Ah, push it - p-push it real good**

**Principle Figgins taps his foot to the beat while swaying.**

**Hey! Ow!**  
**Push it good!**

**Oooh, baby, baby**  
**Baby, baby**  
**Oooh, baby, baby**  
**Baby, baby**

**Push it good**  
**Push it real good**  
**Ah, push it**  
**Ah, push it**

**Yo, yo, yo, yo, baby-pop**  
**Yeah, you come here, gimme a kiss**  
**Better make it fast or else I'm gonna get pissed**  
**Can't you hear the music's pumpin' hard like I wish you would?**

"I don't know if I like that face Kurt's making."

**Now push it**

**Kurt and Finn high five, then Kurt swings his hand back and slaps Finn's ass. Finn looks fearful. The camera zooms to Puck.**

"Kurt! Why would you do that?"

**Push it good**  
**Push it real good**  
**Push it good**

"Is that a_ fannypack_?"

**P-push it real good**

Regardless of the sexual nature of the performance, Blaine couldn't help but think how cute Kurt looked crawling across the stage.

These thoughts were interrupted by Nick jumping about a mile in the air. Jeff smirked from beside him, then leaned in and whispered something making him go red.

**Ah, push it**  
**Get up on this!**

**Boy, you really got me going**  
**You got me so I don't know what I'm doing**

**Ah, push it**

**The performance comes to an end. After a moment of silence.**

**Jacob jumps up. "Yes!"**

The boys simultaneously burst into laughter with some added applause.

"Back to that comment you made before Flint. Yes, apparently, yes they are."

**The students erupt into cheers, with the exception of the Cheerios.**

**FIGGINS' OFFICE-**

**Will and Sue are sitting before Figgins' desk. No one speaks.**

**"Let me be the one to break the silence."**

"That Puck kid said that he could see a girl's ovaries when she bent over. She can't really be that offended."

**"That was the most offensive thing I've seen in 20 years of teaching, and that includes an elementary school production of Hair."**

"Sadly I must agree." Said Wes.

**"We've received angry e-mails from a number of concerned parents, many of whom thought that their children were going to hear a Special Olympian speak about overcoming adversity." Says Figgins.**

**"I- I really don't know what to say." Says Will.**

**"Well, let me help you out then. My first thought was that your students should be put into foster care."**

Everyone's face was a mixure of amusement and disbelief.

Where did they find this woman?

**"But you're the one that should be punished. I demand your resignation from this school as well as the disbanding of Glee Club.**

"It wasn't that bad. It's not like they did 'I'm In Love With Stripper' or something."

**"Now, hold on, Sue. The issue is content. Those kids are talented. And I have not seen the student body this excited since Tiffany performed at the North Hills Mall. I took the liberty of calling my pastor to provide a list of family-friendly songs that reflect our community's values. Your kids can only perform these preapproved musical selections." Figgins says.**

"That won't last long."

**Figgins hands Will the list.**

**Will quickly skims over the sheet. "But, all of these songs have either "Jesus" or "balloons" in the title."**

Blaine winced. "That's rough."

**"But there are also songs about the circus. This egg is sunny-side up, Will. You need new outfits. I got several flashes of panty from your group today, and I'm not talking about the girls. So, Sue, I'm cutting your dry-cleaning budget to pay for new costumes for the Glee Club."**

**"Well something good came out of that disaster."**

**"I don't see Sue being too happy about this though."**

**"This will not stand." Sue says dangerously.**

**"Oh, Sue. The dry-cleaners here are just as good as the ones in Europe."**

In unison evreyone rolled their head toward Thad.

**SCHOOL HALLWAY–**

**Rachel is standing just outside of Figgins' office, her head resting dejectedly against the wall. She turns as Sue, making an "I'm watching you" gesture, passes by. Will enters.**

**"Mr. Schuester, I'm so sorry."**

**"She doesn't look sorry." Mumbled David.**

**WILL: Do you understand what you did today? You lied to me. And you ruined our chances. No parent in their right mind is gonna let their kid join Glee now. Oh, and, uh, here's a list of the songs that we're allowed to sing.**

**"What's a "Luftballon"?"**

"It sounds like something from a Doctor Seuss book." commented Trent in disgust.

"It was from the the 80's anti-nuclear protest song by Nena, 99 Luftballons. Then later translated and re-recorded in english as 99 Red Balloons." Wes monotonously informed them.

The guys racked their brains trying to remember hearing the song.

"hm hm hm hmmm hm hm hm, hm hm hmmm hum hum-hums hm hm!" Jeff hummed.

A lot of them snapped their fingers in recollection.

David crawled to the end of his bed and leant toward Jeff.

"I'd like to approach you with the once in a lifetime career opportunity of becoming a translator," Wes caught sight of them and began moving toward David. "for one Mr. Wes Montgomery!" David managed to call out as he was dragged by the collar to his previous spot.

Jeff looked momentarily thoughtful. "Mmm... I decline. I have no idea what he's saying half of the time anyway."

**"Look, I know how much you care about Glee Club and I understand why you did what you did, but I don't like the way you did it."**

**Will exits, leaving behind a saddened Rachel.**

**STAFF ROOM–**

**Emma is eating her lunch at a table by herself, being careful to clean her grapes before popping them into **her mouth.

"How can she do that every single time?" Asked Jeff. "When I'm hungry I can barely wait fo the microwave to finish."

"She is really tiny though."

"It actually might be really healthy as long as she eats enough. That way she won't overeat, and get full faster by eating so slowly." Blaine said thoughtfully.

"Blaine Anderson." David cooed. "Our little nutritionist."

Blaine rolled his eyes.

**Ken drops a pair of tickets on the table in front of her.**

**"They're for Tulip-A-Looza. It's a tulip festival down at the Columbus Convention Center. It's supposed to smell pretty nice."**

"I went there last year." Nicholi recalled. "It. Was. Terrible."

"But did it smell nice?"

Nicholi hesitated before answering. "Yeah." He admitted.

**"That's really sweet of you, Ken, but I have…a-asthma." Emma lies.**

**"What are you doing? Chasing a married guy. I saw you playing house with him after hours, Emma. Look. I don't know a lot about relationships. Most of mine are short and flame out once the sex goes, but I do know you never want to be the rebounder. I'm a good man, Emma. I'll treat you right. I'll put up with all your crazy. They can't fire me 'cause I'm a minority, so I'll always be able to provide for you. You could do a lot worse and in this town, you're not gonna do much better. Okay, I'm done talking now." Ken exits.**

"I bet that gets her counselor/ sympathetic side, and she says yes and the next thing she knows she's unhappy as she watches the hot glee club teacher from afar. Commitment, man. It's meant to be feared." Thad rambled on.

"Just because your first girlfriend turned out to be crazy, doesn't mean that's going to happen. Besides it's not like they're getting married soon or anything stupid." Nick said.

**AUDITORIUM–**

**Finn and Rachel are on stage. Rachel sits at the piano, tapping a high note.**

**"Try it." Says Rachel**

**"La." Finn mimicks the note.**

**"Good."**

**"That was good." Finn applauds himself.**

**"Okay, one more up."**

**"La." Finn sings.**

**"That was really good." Rachel compliments.**

**"Is that okay?"**

**"Yeah, it's like the holy grail for a baritenor, so it's a good note. All right, I'll start at the bottom, and then we'll go up higher."**

**"Can we take a break? Singing kind of makes me a little hungry."**

**"Ain't that the truth."**

**"Jeff, breathing makes you hungry."**

**"And while you sing you're doing a whole lot of that." Jeff shot back matter of factly**

**"Yeah, yeah, sure. Lucky I prepared for that." Rachel gestures toward elaborate picnic area set up on the floor of the stage.**

"Prepared?" Cameron snorted. "More like-"

"SHHHHH!" Everyone hushed in unison."

Cameron looked at them mutiniously.

"It's potentially getting good." Jeff whispered, shoving handfuls of popcorn into his mouth.

"Where'd you- Why doesn't anyone ever shush you?"

"SHHHHH!"

**"Wow. I was wondering what that was all about." Says Finn**

"God he's so stupid."

**"Want to sit?" Asks Rachel.**

**"Yeah, yeah. Absolutely." Finn says.**

**"I was wondering why you asked me to help you with your singing. You kicked butt at the assembly."**

**"Well, this is my only chance to be, you know, good like you."**

**"You think I'm good?" Rachel phishes.**

**"Well, when I first joined, I thought you were kind of insane."**

"_Kind of_?"

"_Thought_-"

"As in _past tense_?"

**"You talk a lot more than you should, and to be honest with you, I looked under the bed and made sure that you weren't hanging out under there."**

Everyone snorted.

**"But then I heard you sing. I don't know how to say this, but you touched something in me. Right here.**

**Finn places his hand left hand over his chest. Rachel moves his hand to the opposite side.**

**RACHEL: Your heart's on the other side of your chest.**

**FINN: Oh. It's beating really hard. You're cool, Rachel.**

**RACHEL: Do you want a drink?**

**FINN: Yeah.**

**Rachel reaches for a thermos and prepares their drinks.**

**RACHEL: Virgin Cosmos.**

**"Cool. That stuff you said at the Celibacy Club- That was really cool." Finn accepts a cup from Rachel. "Thanks."**

**RACHEL: Well, cheers.**

**FINN: Cheers. Cups are like the airplane cups. Oh, you got a little Cosmo right-**

**Finn reaches out and wipes his thumb slowly across Rachel's upper lip.**

**RACHEL: You know, you can kiss me if you want to.**

**FINN: I want to.**

**Rachel lays down onto the pillows as Finn moves over her. Their lips meet briefly, at first. They kiss once more until Finn pulls away, panicking. He imagines the mailman crashing into the windshield of his car. Finn awkwardly tears himself away from Rachel and stands up.**

"Wow. That _has _to be record time to get a boner."

"_And _they weren't even doing anything."

**RACHEL: What?**

**RACHEL: Did I do something wrong?**

**FINN: No, no. Um, I just gotta go. Look, please don't tell anybody about this, okay?**

"He not be very bright, but at least he had the sense to walk away." Blaine said.

**Finn exits, and Rachel places her head in her hands.**

"On the other hand now he gets to deal with a hurt diva." Pointed out David.

**DOCTOR'S OFFICE–**

**Terri is lying in an examination chair. The doctor squirts gel onto Terri's stomach and begins the ultrasound.**

**TERRI: I don't want my baby to grow an extra arm just because I live in squalor and I'm so stressed. So, I want you to run any and all tests you have.**

**DOCTOR: Trust me. You're clear.**

**Doctor sets the ultrasound equipment aside and sits down.**

**TERRI: Are you sure?**

**DOCTOR: Positive.**

**TERRI: Is it a boy or a girl?**

**DOCTOR: Um- Don't quite know how to put this. There's no baby.**

**"Did it fall out?" Terri asks frantically.**

"Shouldn't she have known if a baby dropped out."

**The doctor laughs. "Uh, no. Uh, you're not pregnant."**

**TERRI: But I've gained ten pounds.**

**DOCTOR: It's probably from eating. I can see a chicken wing in there that you must have swallowed whole. You're having what's called a hysterical pregnancy. You want a baby so badly that your body mimics the symptoms. If you're meant to get pregnant, it'll happen.**

"What does everyone want to bet she doesn't tell the husband?" Asked David.

Blaine shook his head. "Not worth it. I think we all know the outcome."

**CHOIR ROOM–**

**Will is sitting by the piano with a CD player next him. Quinn, Santana, and Brittany stand before him.**

**WILL: I have to say, I'm really surprised you guys are trying out.**

**QUINN: I'm sure you've read about this in the school paper. Finn and I have been an item for a while now. So what kind of girlfriend would I be if I didn't support him?**

"What is she up to?"

"Probably spying for Sue."

**WILL: Well, let's see what you've got.**

**The three Cheerios perform "I Say A Little Prayer" by Dionna Warwick. Quinn sings lead, and much of the choreography features her at the center of the formation. Will seems impressed.**

**SUE'S OFFICE–**

**Quinn, Santana, and Brittany are sitting in front of Sue's desk.**

**SUE: Let me get this straight. You're joining Glee Club**

"If they are then Sue obviouslt isn't aware of it."

**QUINN: I'm sorry, Coach Sylvester, but something is going on between Finn and that thing. You saw how it was undressing him with its eyes. Please don't kick us off the Cheerios.**

**Sue snaps her fingers. "Cease fire on the waterworks. I don't want to hear it. I don't want to see it. You know, Q, when I first laid eyes on you I was reminded of a young Sue Sylvester, though you don't have my bone structure. But it wasn't until this very moment I saw how alike we really are. You three are going to be my spies. I need eyes on the inside. We're going to bring this club down from within."**

**Brittany and Santana high five behind Quinn.**

**QUINN: And I'm gonna get my boyfriend back.**

**SUE: I don't care so much about that.**

**SCHOOL HALLWAY–**

**Emma is scrubbing the mouthpiece of a drinking fountain with a toothbrush. Will approaches her, and small packet in his hand.**

**WILL: Hey, Emma. Guess what. I found these new disinfecting bleach wipes. What do you say? Boy's bathroom in the science wing? 9:00?**

**"Oooo hot date." Chimed Jeff.**

**EMMA: Will, what are we doing? I mean, you're having a baby. Um, and anyway, uh- I have a date.**

**WILL: Oh, that's great.**

**EMMA: Yeah.**

**WILL: Yeah. With who?**

**EMMA: I'm gonna go to Tulip-A-Looza. With Ken.**

**Emma nods to Will before stepping around him and walking down the hall.**

**WILL'S APARTMENT–**

**Will steps through the door in his janitor uniform. Terri is standing by the dining room table with a lighter in her hand. She lights a candle on the table.**

**TERRI: There's my man. Bringing home the bacon.**

**WILL: You- You made dinner. I thought you'd be asleep.**

**TERRI: Well, I wanted to talk to you about something, so I made you chicken pot pie- from scratch.**

**They sit down.**

**WILL: Terri, that's so thoughtful. I- Yeah, you know, I've been working so had lately, some- sometimes I forget what I'm doing it for. Family's what's important to me. You and the little guy or gal on the way. I hope you know that.**

**TERRI: Yeah.**

**WILL: I'm sorry. What was it you wanted to talk about?**

**TERRI: I went to the baby doctor today.**

The Warblers leaned in closer.

**WILL: And?**

**Will looks at her with anticipation. Terri is uncomfortable.**

**TERRI: And…it's a boy.**

"Of course it is." Nick snorted.

**Will gets out of his seat and hugs Terri.**

**WILL: Oh, my God. Terri, that's amazing.**

**TERRI: Yeah.**

**WILL: Oh, my God. Oh!**

**TERRI: Uh, I want you to give up being a janitor.**

**WILL: What?**

**TERRI: Yeah. We don't need a new house. We'll turn my craft room into a nursery. It's a compromise that I want to make.**

**WILL: Really?**

**TERRI: Yeah. You know, the only project I want to work on now is us.**

**Will kisses Terri.**

**WILL: I love you so much.**

**CHOIR ROOM–**

**Rachel and Will are standing in the choir room alone. Rachel looks at him despondently.**

**RACHEL: You're giving Quinn Fabray the solo? That's my solo.**

**WILL: You made this happen, Rachel. You were the one who wanted to sell sex at the assembly. Quinn's audition song was on Figgin's approved list and, frankly, she did a heck of a job singing it.**

**"You're punishing me."**

**WILL: Contrary to your beliefs, it's not all about you. Or, I've realized, about me. Look, I screwed up too. I'm as responsible for what you did at the assembly as you are. I should never have pushed disco so hard. When we did it back in '93, the disco revival was in its heyday. It was cool. We had fun. And that- That is what Glee is supposed to be about. If we're gonna succeed, we both need to change our mindsets. You're not always gonna be the star. But I promise to do my best to make sure you're always having fun. This is a good thing, Rachel. We're on our way.**

**Will gathers his things and walks to the door.**

**"Can I use the auditorium later to practice? Our neighbors are filing a lawsuit." Asks Rachel.**

**"Sure."**

**Will exits.**

**AUDITORIUM-**

**Rachel sings "Take A Bow" by Rihanna. Mercedes and Tina stand behind her, singing backup. Rachel is shown singing into her hairbrush in her room. The scene changes to Rachel watching Quinn and Finn laugh together in the hallway. These three locations cycle throughout the song.**

**CUT TO BLACK**

**END**

"Hold on!" Richard said. "There's something that's been bothering me for awhile."

Everyone turned their attention toward Richard, while he in turn turned toward Cameron.

"What kind of concert would require you be that colorful?" He asked. "Because I know you don't listen to anything other than classical Broadway."

Cameron rolled his eyes. "I listen to rock and alternative a lot. Then I also do a bit of rapping."

The guys stared at him.

"Woah." Said Ethan. "You're always calling music that's not Les Mis or opera stupid."

"Yeah!" Nick concurred. "So why were you so against Kanye or something leaning toward top 40?"

"I never called it stupid. We just don't hang out much outside of Warbler practice. And when we are there, I'm being serious. Besides, I still firmly believe that type of music is not for competition. Okay?"

The other Warblers continued to stare.

"Look," Cameron sighed. "I know I'm kind of an ass sometimes, and I'm sorry."

_Was the Cameron James actually apologizing?_ Went through most of the guys minds. Cameron was most certainly an asset to the Warblers with his rich baritone voice and he could be funny with his dry sense of humor. The guys only really enjoyed his company on occasion, but most of the time they put up with him since he was so often snooty and judgmental and just... an ass. Obvious bewilderment showed on everyone's faces from the simple, half-hearted apology.

David coughed awkwardly. "So how about that rapping? I don't beleive it." He challenged, crossing his arms.

Cameron rolled his eyes. "Okay."

"Yo, VIP, Let's kick it!"

Everyone caught on and began snapping to the beat.

Ice Ice Baby, Ice Ice Baby  
All right stop, Collaborate and listen

The Warblers harmonized where the song did.

Ice is back with my brand new invention  
Something grabs a hold of me tightly  
Flow like a harpoon daily and nightly  
Will it ever stop? Yo – I don't know  
Turn off the lights and I'll glow  
To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal  
Light up a stage and wax a chump like a candle.

Dance, Go rush the speaker that booms  
I'm killing your brain like a poisonous mushroom  
Deadly, when I play a dope melody  
Anything less than the best is a felony  
Love it or leave it, You better gain way  
You better hit bull's eye, The kid don't play  
If there was a problem, Yo, I'll solve it  
Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it

The guys cleared out of the middle of the floor in time for Cameron to start doing the dance.

Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla  
Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla

Now that the party is jumping  
With the bass kicked in, and the Vegas are pumpin'  
Quick to the point, to the point, no faking  
Cooking MCs like a pound of bacon  
Burning them they ain't quick and nimble  
I go crazy when I hear a cymbal  
And a hi hat with a souped up tempo  
I'm on a roll and it's time to go solo  
Rollin' in my 5.0  
With my ragtop down so my hair can blow  
The girlies on standby, Waving just to say, "Hi!"  
Did you stop? No – I just drove by  
Kept on pursuing to the next stop  
I busted a left and I'm heading to the next block  
That block was dead

Jeff and David jumped off the dresser they shared and ran to the middle of the floor where they began dancing with Cameron. Blaine bit his lip as he watched his friends being silly.

...

Damn the consequences! He went to discos for God's sake! Blaine jumped out of his seat and did a very Risky Business like slide next to Jeff. Jeff grinned broadly at him as the started doing the spins.

Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla  
Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla

Take heed, 'cause I'm a lyrical poet  
Miami's on the scene just in case you didn't know it  
My town, that created all the bass sound  
Enough to shake and kick holes in the ground  
'Cause my style's like a chemical spill  
Feasible rhymes that you can vision and feel  
Conducted and formed, This is a hell of a concept  
We make it hype and you want to step with this  
Shay plays on the fade, slice like a ninja  
Cut like a razor blade so fast, Other DJs say, "damn"  
If my rhyme was a drug, I'd sell it by the gram  
Keep my composure when it's time to get loose  
Magnetized by the mic while I kick my juice  
If there was a problem, Yo – I'll solve it!  
Check out the hook while DJ revolves it.

Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla  
Ice Ice Baby Vanilla, Ice Ice Baby Vanilla

Yo, man, let's get out of here! Word to your mother!

Ice Ice Baby Too cold, Ice Ice Baby Too cold Too cold  
Ice Ice Baby Too cold Too cold, Ice Ice Baby Too cold Too cold

They all finished high fiving while chuckling.

This was probably one of the most fun songs they had sung together in a really long time. Everything in Warbler practice was usually so controlled and stiff resulting in many bored, half attentive singers that didn't resonate well with the audience at all. Wes did take note of this.

"You are so white." David smirked once everyone had finally calmed down.

To the dismay of the room Trent walked over to Cameron and patted his arm.

"As a fellow sarcastic person, apology accepted." He said.

Next Jeff jumped up and ran at Cameron. Before he could move he was awkwardly holding an armfull of the blonde.

"I totally forgive you for insulting my shirt last Saturday when we ran into each other at the store. And in return I apologize for tagging your car!"

Cameron dropped Jeff. "That was you?"

Jeff defensively raised his arms. "Well they were my markers, but I didn't actually do the tagging per say."

"Jeff Sterling! You tell me who marked my car!" Cameron demanded.

The blonde waved a hand flippantly. "Don't worry about it."

Jeff winked at Nicholi who smiled gratefully. Jeff may act like an idiot sometimes, or throw fits when he was moody, and annoy people... but he was nothing if not loyal. Though everyone else, and probably Cameron too by the way he was eyeing Nicholi, knew it was often the roommate.

Soon all of the guys were making their way toward Cameron and following Trent's example.

"You guys do know I'm still going to be an asshole?"

"Yeah but now we've come to an understanding."

"I just said I knew I was douche and then rapped."

"And that's progress. Well eventually find the motivation for your formidable behavior and correct it." Jeff answered brightly.

"Sterling, you try to psycho analyze and I'll key your car." Cameron threatened.

Jeff nodded then leaned over and whispered something to Nick.

"Jeff, get a life." Nick walked over to Blaine.

"He wants you to use your sultry personality to befriend Cameron." Blaine said knowingly.

"Yep."

"He could just make out with him." Blaine suggested. "It seemed to do you some good."

"Shut up."

Wes checked his watch. "It's a little after ten, so let's break to get some actual food. We'll reconvene at eleven thirty." He announced.

"Wes," Flint said in exasperation. "We've known each other at least six months, at most several years. We just performed Ice Ice Baby. We're friends hanging out, it's not a official Warbler meeting."

"David." Someone coughed.

David started causing his pen to jump out of his hand, then he shoved the notebook he was recording the minutes on away.

Wes raised an eyebrow. "That's not what you said last night."

The Warblers burst into raucous laughter making Wes blush.

"I didn't- that's not what I... When we decided on what to do with the information pertaining to Vocal Adrenaline-"

Blaine cut Wes off. "Then let's not do that. We can just watch the show. Besides that decision was relative to the Council."

"If that happens again you can play gavel banger then." Added Nick.

Wes rolled his eyes but nodded anyway. "Let's go to breakfast."

"Who says we have to split up?" Asked Blaine. "We could all go to that coffee shop down the road."

The Warblers stopped and stared at Blaine like they had never seen him before.

* * *

**A/N: Hey everyone! I am so so so sorry that it took this long to update, it's actually embarrasing. A few days after I posted the pilot school started. New school, new clothes, new people. I was really ovewhelmed going from quiet, lazy days in the living room to being suddenly surrounded by two thousand people. Also I suddenly have a social life. I promise I won't go another month without updating, even if I have to do half chapters. I should have Acafellas up maybe next weekend but probably the week or weekend after. At one point I'll probably upload like five chapters at once because I'm simply too excited to get on with season two and I WILL have season one done by December hopefully sooner.**

**Letting you guys know Blaine's not going to be _all over _Kurt because he currently thinks he's a fictional character. That being said I didn't say the Warblers couldn't have little crushes (which will be later).**

**As for Kurt he hasn't had a whole lotta of lines or done much to stick out yet. Later on I definately will make sure to place heavy focus on him. As for Blaine he hasn't had too much to say yet, but he also has a bit of a shell on currently. The Sadie Hawkins incident happened only months before and he's not very close to the others yet (besides his roomate Nick, they're very close).**

**All of these characters were taken from the Warbler yearbook and I simply selected a few and gave them personalities. They all have their purposes. Throughout this story I want the guys to get closer, open up, learn from watching Glee (like many of us have) because I have this theory that in canon they musn't be all that close betraying Blaine and the New Directions over and over... and over again. So my boys are actually changing from this.**

**Gosh I'm just sooo excited for so many episodes. Namely The Power of Madonna, Funk, Audition, and Grilled Cheesus ;). If anyone can tell me why I'm so excited for Grilled Cheesus then you get mad brownie points.**

**Klainers: You've all seen the new Kiss right? *Hint- Youtube, Gotta Get You Back In My Life Glee season five. Watch. Melt into puddle of squealing goo. And cross your fingers that Trent and Nick become official cast members.**

**Love the chapter/hate it? Feedback is always so so appreciated. I am so very thankul to everyone who has read/reveiwed/followed/favorited this! I literally squeel and clap everytime I get a new a new something. I really truly hope you like my portrayals, and if you don't I would love criticsm or suggestion.**

**Thank you!**


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